


Finite Simple Group of Order Two

by geekmystic



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: All The Tropes, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Loss of Virginity, Modern AU, Slow Burn, math professor au, professor/student AU, self indulgent tripe
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-29
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-05-15 07:23:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 28,390
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14786027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/geekmystic/pseuds/geekmystic
Summary: Rey Jakken enters the spring semester of her first year at Chandrila State after transferring from community college.  Dr. Solo is returning from a sabbatical to teach again.  Rey thinks he's just another professor.  Ben thinks she just another student.  But they slowly begin to discover how much they are alike.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> [The title](https://youtu.be/BipvGD-LCjU) comes from this crack-y song I heard years ago.
> 
> The title is also an actual math term. It is pictured below.

Rey pleaded with her old Ford Taurus to start. It didn't like to start in cold weather. It was 8:45am and she was going to be late for her 9am class. This was her second semester at Chandrila State after having transferred from community college. She was anxious about the new semester ahead of her. She had declared a mathematics major after not really being satisfied with any other subject. Her community college advisor had given her a weird glance but approved it and sent it on. Rey had never really paid attention to what people _thought_ she should be good at. But she soon found out that people were always shocked that _anyone_ would willingly choose math as a major. Or that anyone didn't find math anything but frustrating.

She finally coaxed the Ford into turning over and she made her way to campus. Campus was five minutes away but finding a parking spot was always the real challenge. Inevitably, she found a spot a full city block away and made her way to class. Rey cursed herself all the way to the door. She was also anxious because this class was taught by her advisor, Ben Solo. She hadn't actually met him yet as he was on sabbatical during her first semester. Reports from her peers tell her that he is a bit aloof, possibly depressed. He could be critical of your work but was generally fair in grading.

And to add to her anxiety levels was the fact that this would be her second “pure math" class. Before, her classes had been pretty simple, even Calculus III. Pretty formulaic. Take a function, torture it according to some rules, get a result.

But last semester, she had taken an Intro class called “Introduction to Advanced Mathematical Concepts". Basically, a proof-writing and formal logic class. Now that she knew the formulas, she would be expected to explain how they work. This had never been asked of Rey before in any math class. And she realized that this would be the method of the majority of her classes from here on out. It unsettled her that she felt woefully unprepared for something that had been an easy A before. In fact, Rey had only earned an 85 in that class. And, while most students would be happy with a passing grade, it made Rey feel as though she chose the wrong major. But out of stubbornness, she signed up for the next round of math classes.

So here she was, walking into class at 9:06 am. She went straight for the nearest seat and sat down. She looked up to see the faintest hint of a glare ghost Dr. Solo's face.

“You must be Rey Jakken.” He announced to the class.

“Yes.”

“So nice of you to join us,” he replied with a hint of sarcasm. With that, he handed her a syllabus. Thankfully, he didn't say anything more. Rey hoped he would forget about her lateness as the class went on.

The class was called Abstract Algebra. When she enrolled, she wondered how algebra could be abstract. Her only knowledge of algebra involving solving equations according to some rules.

“For most of you, this will be your first serious pure math class. For some of you, this will be the deciding factor in changing your major.”

A hand shot up. “Cassian, is it?”

“Yes, Dr. Solo. I was just wondering what you mean by pure math?”

The professor pursed his lips for a second. “Generally, pure math means we are not interested in solving real-world problems. Although it happens, it is not the motivating factor for study.”

“Then what is?” Rey interjected. Rey felt somewhat annoyed by the entire concept. What was the point of math if it didn't have a physical purpose?

“Well, why does one study art or music? Because there is beauty to be found. When you are not focused on a specific problem, you can really see how deep the rabbit hole goes.”

“Ooh, it's The Matrix!” A student fired off.

“Actually, it's Alice in Wonderland,” Dr. Solo replied with a hint of annoyance. “Lewis Carroll was actually satirizing the concepts of pure mathematics that were coming about in the middle of the 19th Century.”

Rey struggled to remember the contents of the old cartoon she had seen as a child in foster care. She remembered a little blonde girl shrinking, a huge purple cat that disappeared into smoke. She remembered being enthralled with the nonsense of it all. _That_ was about _math_?

“Moving on,” Dr. Solo continued going over the syllabus.

When they got to the last page, Rey groaned inwardly. There was a research paper due at the end of the semester. Rey had sort of hoped she had left those behind in her English classes. And it was 15% of her grade too! And the final was another 30%! _What an ass!_ Rey thought to herself. She surmised that her peers had underreported his demeanor. She couldn't recall him looking anyone in the eye. His voice was low and gruff. His eyes were distant, like he didn't want to be there. She got the feeling that he was one of those professors that loved making things difficult. One of those who felt he needed to weed out the unworthy.

He dismissed class shortly afterward.

“Miss Jakken? I cannot stress how important it is to be on time from here on out.”

Rey could only muster a glare as she packed up her things and left. The bastard probably drove something less than five years old and could afford regular maintenance. What would he know about old car batteries and frayed belts??? It would be useless to explain that her two year old phone sometimes quit charging in the middle of the night and died before the alarm could go off. She still had another month before she could upgrade.

The rest of her day went a lot more smoothly. She had a history class, lunch, then biology lab. Neither were her favorites but at least she didn't have to deal with a dark and brooding ass in either of those classes. In fact, they were taught by very sweet older women.

Tuesday was Differential Equations. She felt more relaxed there. It was more applied math than pure math. An older Polish man taught the class. His accent was thick but she could make out what he was trying to convey. After that was her two hour biology lecture. Later that afternoon, she had a fitness class because why not take advantage of the free workout facilities?

Wednesday would start the process all over again. She made sure she was in bed early. She set her alarm for 7:30. There was no way she would give Dr. Solo an inch.

She strutted into class three minutes early. Dr. Solo paid her no mind. Rey almost wished he would say something but decided it better that he didn't.

Dr. Solo began lecturing on something called Group Theory. He stressed that learning the material, proving the theorems, rested on knowing the definitions. Without a clear definition, your argument would be meaningless.

The next week of classes were spent looking at various examples of groups. A group is a set with a closed, binary, associative operation with an identity element and inverses. Rey found she had to define each word separately.

Closed: Combining elements didn't produce something new. You can't add two integers and get a fraction.

Binary: You can only combine two elements at a time.

Associative: You should get the same result no matter which two you start with. 2 + (3 + 4) = (2 + 3) + 4

Operation: The rule that tells you how to combine two elements. Usually addition or multiplication but some groups had different rules with elements that weren't numbers at all.

Identity: An element that doesn't change any of the other elements. Like 0 for addition or 1 for multiplication.

Inverses: There has to be a way to get back home to the identity. Positive and Negative integers that cancel each other out. 2 + (-2) = 0 Or fractions that cancelled with whole integers. 2*(½) = 1

Rey found she could handle this sort of information. She could play with these ideas in her head and find possible examples that hadn't been discussed. It was definitely a lot more abstract than she was used to. Her DiffEq class was much more straightforward but she found herself getting bored with that class. It was strange to feel her perspective changing. She thought she would have liked DiffEq more but the concepts of Abstract Algebra were unlocking doors in her mind. She found herself thinking more about broad ranges of problems instead of specific equations or functions.

Abstract Algebra was more focused than her intro class last semester. The intro class threw disparate concepts at her from many different areas of math. At least now she could focus on one area. She became more confident in the different kinds of proofs used in math.

She still didn't like Dr. Solo. He looked like he didn’t want to be there.. He would take off points for the littlest things. He wanted proofs written formally. No symbolic shorthand such as a backwards E for “there exists" or upside down A which was shorthand “for all". But Rey found herself resorting to them when in a rush. She worked part-time at a mechanic shop to make ends meet. There wasn't always time to rewrite her homework. But she still had a 96% so she wasn't too worried.

Four weeks in to the semester, Dr. Solo announced their midterm would be in two weeks. He also wanted everybody to turn in topics for their research papers at test time. Rey's stomach flipped at that. She honestly hadn't given it much thought. Later that day, she pulled out the syllabus and perused the list of suggested topics. The first half of the list consisted of notable mathematicians in history. _Boring_ . The second half contained a list of applications and notable theorems. One theorem caught her eye. _Fundamental Theorem of Algebra_. Rey told herself that the Fundamental Theorem of Calculus wasn't too difficult of a concept, the algebra version couldn't be much harder. She circled the theorem on the syllabus and got ready for work.

The next day, she powered through DiffEq and Biology. The last item on her list was weight training at the rec center. She was actually anxious to get there. She had been feeling a curious energy building up in her over the last couple weeks and weight training took the edge off.

She got to the rec center and changed in the locker room and met her instructor in the weight training area. They started their basic routine which had steadily built up over the course of the semester. Slowly, the frustration of the semester was melting away.

Today, however, she looked up and saw someone occupying the training room across from her. There were two men sparring with staffs. Rey was entranced by the shirtless figure in black sweats. He seemed to be made of marble. His muscles rippled with his movements. His staff cutting through the air unbelievably fast. His red haired opponent was floundering. Red made to get a hit on his side but Shirtless blocked, twirled around and aimed for Red's knees and down he went.

“Goddammit, Solo!” Red shouted.

 _Solo? No. No way in Hell. That is_ not _Professor Solo._

Rey backed away from the window. A blaze of thoughts and emotions enveloped her. She stepped back further, only vaguely aware that her instructor was urging her to stop. But it was too late. Rey felt her foot catch on a piece of equipment and she cried out. The last thing she saw was Dr. Solo looking for the source of the cry and locking eyes with her before her head hit the corner of a bench.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Rose states the obvious.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> In honor of my first anti-Reylo hate mail, here's chapter 2!

When she woke up, she found herself on a stretcher in the ER. Her head was pounding. It took a second for her vision to clear but she could see someone sitting across from her.  _ Dr. Solo _ . She audibly groaned at seeing him there. He now had a black t-shirt on for which Rey was grateful.

“Rey? Can you hear me? Are you there?” Rey could almost swear he was concerned for her.

“Ugh, what are you doing here? On second thought, what were you doing there?!”

Dr. Solo smiled. Rey had never seen him smile before. In class, he wasn't sad or angry but he never smiled.

“Well, I was getting some training in before an early evening faculty dinner. Damn the luck, I have to miss it now.”

“Why?” Rey asked.

Ben stood up and went to her bedside. “I-I couldn't leave you like that. A head injury can have serious consequences. You have a great mathematical talent and I would hate to see that jeopardized.”

I… Wait, I do? But you always nitpick my homework.”

“Well, yes. But only to get you to be precise in your logic. I see you perhaps getting a PhD one day and you'll have professors that are far more strict.”

Rey didn't know what to say to that. She had no real plans as to what to do with her degree. She had certainly never thought about grad school.

“I'll go see where the doctor went off to.” He very lightly touched her hand with his and walked out the door.

Rey felt blood rush to her hand at his touch. A series of lightbulbs went off in her head at his touch. That curious energy she couldn't quite shake? It was him. She didn't let herself see it before. Hidden beneath high collars, thick blazers, and a constant neutral expression was a man,  _ a man.  _ He was hot and smart and caring underneath it all.

Dr. Solo came back with a short woman in tow. He introduced her as Dr. Kanata. She explained that Rey needed to rest for the next 24 hours.

“Do you have someone who can stay with you? Perhaps your friend here?” Dr. Kanata asked.

They both laughed. “No, she's my student. It wouldn't be appropriate.”

“I'll call Rose,” Rey offered.

“Ok,” Dr. Kanata continued, “but I won't release you until you know for sure.”

Rey realized that her stuff was still in her locker at the rec center but she luckily knew the number to the shop. After a quick phone call, it was all set. Rose practically squealed at the thought of a sleepover.

Over the next hour, Rey was released from the ER. Rose had to close the shop first but would be by her apartment shortly.

“Professor? Do you mind? I also need to go by the rec center to get my gym bag. I'm so sorry about your dinner.”

He smiled again. “Don't be. I was looking for an excuse to miss it anyway. Joint meeting with the Physics department. I would rather watch paint dry in a sauna. I'm glad you're ok. You're excused from class tomorrow but come see me later this week during office hours.”

Rey agreed to those terms.  Dr. Solo followed her out the door, through the lobby, and into the parking lot.

Dr. Solo put a light touch on he shoulder.  “Wait here. Let me bring the car around.”

Rey discovered her shoulder heating up under his touch again.  She could get used to that. He pulled up in a new-ish Nissan Altima.   _ I fucking knew it. _

But something bugged her.  When she got in the car, she asked, “Did the ambulance bring me here?”

Dr. Solo’s breath hitched and his cheeks turned slightly pink.  “No. I did. I carried you to my car and put you in the backseat and carried you in.  I didn’t think you had insurance and ambulance rides cost a small fortune.”

Rey groaned at that.  She hadn’t thought of the bill.  It was sure to be a couple thousand dollars.  But she groaned for another reason too. He had carried her.  She had been in his arms and the thought made her blood rise.  _ I cannot be thinking about this right now.  He’s my dark, brooding asshole of a professor.  Just because he displayed an ounce of human emotion doesn’t mean anything.  Nothing has changed. Nothing!!! _

They spent the rest of the car ride in relative silence.  She grabbed her gym bag and only spoke to give him directions to her apartment.  Thankfully, Rose was waiting outside the gate and Rey could see her Ford parked in its space.  Rose had a spare key and must have drove it here. Rey quickly grabbed her bag and jumped out of the car.  Politeness forced her to turn back around and mutter a shy “thank you”. He was now back to his brooding self and gave a short wave and took off.  Rey rolled her eyes and walked up to meet Rose. Rey waved her key fob to unlock the gate and they walked together to her apartment.

Rose lived above the shop they both worked at.  Rose was going into mechanical engineering and so her classes were on the floor above Rey’s classes.

Once they were settled on Rey’s couch, Rose started in, “Ok, first of all, are you really ok?”

“Yes. This is just a precaution.”

“Awesome.  Now what exactly happened?” Rose asked.

“Oh, god, Rose, it’s so embarrassing.  I saw a half-naked man, tripped, and hit my head.”

Rose cackled at that.  “Did you get his name? Did you get  _ his number? _ ”

“I know his name, Rose, and that’s the terrible part.  It’s Dr. Solo. He was training in the rec center  _ sans shirt _ .  I didn’t recognize him because his back was to me until his opponent said his name.”

“Was it a red-haired pasty guy?” Rose asked.

“Uh, yeah, how did you know?”

“That’s Dr. Hux.  He’s in the Physics Department.  He’s an awful teacher but he has tenure.  They only let him lecture the freshmen these days.  I have heard that Hux and Solo spar at the rec center.  I also heard that Hux has yet to win a match. But that’s just how arrogant Hux is.”

“It makes sense that they’re friends.  Solo is an ass as well. He tears apart my homework and quizzes for the tiniest mistakes.  He told me some line in the ER about how he wants me to get my PhD. But I’ll be lucky to keep my A in his class.  We have our midterm in less than two weeks and I’m sure he’ll just rip it in half and call it a day.”

Rose frowned at that.  “I think you’re being unfair to him, Rey.  I don’t think he would say that if he didn’t mean it.  Sure, he has a rep for being distant, even an asshole. But he’s not a terrible teacher from what I’ve heard.  It seems like you’re learning the material.”

“I guess I am.  I never thought that abstract stuff would make sense to me but I actually kind of like it.”

“See?  He can’t be that bad!  And hot too, apparently.  He must be if he caused you to trip and knock yourself out.  I’ve never known you to give anyone more than a passing glance.  Even the couple people you fooled around with at juco.”

Rey replied, “He covers it up well.  I  _ never _ imagined he was hiding all that under his blazer.  But the man is built like a greek god underneath the layers. And I  _ guess _ his face isn’t too bad.  He actually laughed and smiled with me in the ER.  I think I subconsciously noticed it but it took a literal hit to the head to see it.”

Rose put her head on Rey’s shoulder and said, “I think you like him.”

Rey rolled her eyes and replied, “Ugh, no!  I was just caught off guard is all. Besides, he’s my professor.  Isn’t that forbidden?”

Rose looked up at the ceiling wistfully.  “Not necessarily. Chandrila State actually has a pretty lax policy on student-teacher dating.  You just have to be over 18 and not in his class.”

“Rose, dear, it isn’t going to happen anyway.  I can’t stand him. And he has to be at least thirty years old.  Surely he wants someone closer to his age.”

“I hear he was a prodigy, got his PhD super early.  He’s probably not even 30 yet.”

“ _ Rose _ ,” Rey growled.

“Ok, ok, we don’t have to talk about him anymore.  I brought stuff for stir-fry. I didn’t know if you had eaten yet.”

“Oh my god, thank you! I’m starving.”

“Good, let’s get to work.”

Rey and Rose spent the rest of the evening talking about school.  Rose talked about Finn, her boyfriend from juco who was now at an art school in the next state over.  Rey also helped Rose with some of her engineering homework as best as she could. Eventually, they decided on a movie and fell asleep.  Sometime in the night, Rey moved to her bed but not before getting Rose a blanket.

Rey woke up around 9:30am the next morning.  She shot off an email to her history professor explaining her absence and began to research the topic she had picked out.  She began to realize how out of her depth she was. She understood the basic principle but no idea how the underlying mechanics worked.  The basic idea was that any polynomial in one variable with complex coefficients had all its roots in the complex numbers. The idea seemed laughably simple, almost obvious.  Complex coefficients (which included everything from integers to imaginary numbers) yielded Complex solutions.

As soon as the thought of switching topics came into her head, her stubbornness shouted from the mountaintops of her mind.   _ You will finish this! _  If Professor Solo thought she could earn a PhD, then she could master the Fundamental Theorem of Algebra.  Rey spend the rest of morning and some of the afternoon jotting down ideas and questions for Dr. Solo when she saw him again.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey's meeting with Dr. Solo doesn't go quite as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter earns that M Rating.

Rey found herself dreading Friday morning. She didn't like missing class even though his notes were posted online. Rey spent her day off researching her topic and going over her homework meticulously. She made sure every word and sentence was crystal clear. If he found something to bitch about this time, then she knew he was just an irredeemable asshole.

Today, they were capping off a section on group homomorphisms. Dr. Solo dismissed them with another announcement of their midterm a week from today. His last remark was directed at Rey.

“Miss Jakken, I'll need to see you this afternoon during my office hours. Like we agreed.”

“Yes. Dr. Solo.”

She faintly heard a snicker from Matrix kid in the back. Her patented death glare made him go pale. She looked back up to turn around and thought she saw a faint smile on the professor's face. She quickly packed up and left. History was a snooze fest. Lunch was dried out ham and instant mashed potatoes from the dining hall. She gagged half a plate down with several glasses of water.

2 o'clock rolled around and she found herself outside of Dr. Solo's office. She lightly knocked on the door.

“Come in.”

And so she did. There was a single chair across from him and his desk so that's where she sat. The office was clean. The entire back wall had a built-in shelf and he had utilized every inch of space with various books and journals. There was more shelving to the right of his desk. It contained various knick knacks of a mathematical nature. Behind him was a simple painting of four squares. The top two were black and white. The bottom two were white and black.

“How are you feeling today?” He asked.

“I'm fine. I got plenty of rest. I still have a goose egg but it doesn't ache unless I lay on it.”

“Good. Did you study the notes from Wednesday? Do you have any questions?”

“I did. It seemed pretty straightforward. I really wanted to talk about my paper. I want to tackle the Fundamental Theorem of Algebra.”

“You do?” Dr. Solo chastised himself for sounding surprised. He had hoped she would choose a challenging topic. Rey simply glared at him.

“Ah, you do.” he conceded with a hint of a smile. “What do you know about it so far?”

“I just know the basic idea. Every polynomial is solvable using complex numbers.”

“Close. The theorem doesn't say anything about actually finding the solutions. Just that they exist. If you want to look at techniques for solving them, I'd suggest you research Galois Theory and there are also various numerical methods.”

Rey thought on that for a minute and said, “That seems kinda useless.”

Dr. Solo smiled. “A lot of mathematicians would have probably agreed with you. Late 19th century mathematicians were kinda split on the idea of constructive proofs versus existence proofs.”

“Ok, what does that mean?” Rey asked.

“Well, say you want to show that there exists a set with a certain structure. You can either develop an algorithm that constructs the set. Or you can show the set exists as a consequence of other theorems.”

“I think I understand. But that must be maddening to some people. To know something exists but not knowing how to find it. I think I kind of understand where Lewis Carroll was coming from now.”

Dr. Solo replied, “I can see where he's coming from as well even though I quite enjoy the madness. It's like concluding water exists simply because you thirst for it. But once you acknowledge the thirst, you have no choice but to quench it.”

At some point, Dr. Solo had found himself leaning over the desk, looking into her eyes, as if hoping to see a hint of the same madness that he saw in himself. He couldn't be sure but he thought he did. It just hadn't been awakened yet. And maybe he would be the first to awaken it in her.

Dr. Solo, upon realizing how close he had come to Rey, immediately took his seat. Rey suddenly realized that her breathing had quickened but not out of fear. His eyes had come alive as he started talking about the more philosophical aspects of her research topic. 

Dr. Solo cleared his throat and continued, “So, if that's the topic you're set on. I'll be glad to help you learn the basics. It will require learning some elementary Complex Analysis.”

Rey's eyes widened. “Basically calculus with complex numbers?”

“Basically. Yes. The bare bones proof requires a limiting process in the complex plane.”

Rey nodded. It seemed simple on the surface. She glanced up and the simple painting caught her eye again.

“What  _ is _ that?” Rey asked while pointing at the painting.

“Oh that? It's an addition table for Z2. It's the smallest group, other than the trivial group. The precise name is Finite Simple Group of Order Two.”

“I see,” Rey said. “Instead of 0 and 1, a and b, it's just colors.”

“Exactly. Black and white or rather light and dark. It tells me that loneliness is trivial and has no real structure. That we only find balance when combined with our shadow.”

When Rey looked up, she saw his eyes again. They were bright. Ben Solo had come alive. He loved the finer details that spoke of something more. That math wasn't just numbers and patterns in the physical but could also bring a spiritual catharsis. And Rey suddenly realized that she too could sense that math was more than solving puzzles or problems. That she too loved the rhythm and pulse of what she was learning, more so than the actual result. She had let her (false) opinion of Dr. Solo get in the way of that.

“That's actually… kinda beautiful,” Rey admitted.

“Just like you,” he said with a soft smile which quickly evaporated. “I'm sorry. That was inappropriate.”

“Don't be. I… Thank you.”

“I'm sorry. I-I'm going to ask you to leave now.” Dr. Solo got up to open the door for her. Rey followed. She put her hand over his on the door handle.

“I don't understand.” Rey whispered.

“Please don't make this harder for me.” He pleaded

“I…” But Rey caught his eyes again. Once bright with intellectual excitement, they now conveyed a hunger. Rey found her voice again, “I'll actually make this easy for you.”

With that, her hands snaked around his warm neck and pulled him down until their lips touched. It was relatively chaste aside from the fact that they were professor and student. A line had been crossed. Rey's heart hammered under her ribcage, fearful that she had made a colossal mistake and that her scholarship was in jeopardy.

However, Dr. Solo had always had a rebellious streak. Once a line was crossed, he was curious how far he could go.

“I'm really sorry Dr. Solo. I don't know what I was thinking. I-I'm just going to leave.”

But to Rey's utter shock, Dr. Solo began to laugh. “Call me Ben.”

With that, he wrapped his arms around her waist and brushed her lips again. Rey felt like melting at the softness of his lips and yearned for more. Her lips parted with his and she darted her tongue out to meet his. He backed her up against the door. Her hands resumed their position around his neck and were soon strumming through his hair. The action elicited a low moan from Ben. He soon found his hands drifting to her ass. He wanted her as close as possible. He wanted her to feel him.

With his hands cupping her ass, he gently urged her up. She took the hint and lifted one ankle then the other until she was wrapped around him. Through the fabric of their clothes, she could feel his desire growing. Her hips instinctively snapped against him which made both of them skip a breath. A dull ache was building deep within her and a slight dampness collecting between her legs.

“D- Ben?” Rey muttered through shuddering breaths. “Ben?” She repeated.  He had moved from her mouth to her temple and lightly nibbled her ear. He was making his way to her neck when he stopped.

“Yes?”

“I think I know where this is going. And I-I-I don't want to do that here.”

Ben almost looked like a kicked puppy but he immediately let her go and stepped back.

“Of course. Of course.” He muttered.

“I, uh, better go. I've got a test in DiffEq to study for this weekend and yours as well. Thanks for your input.”

Ben ran a hand through his hair. “Yeah, no problem.”

As she left, she stole a quick glance. Pupils blown, hair disheveled, lips and cheeks ruddy, a thin sheen of sweat over his face. And a puppy dog look, like he had been denied a treat. Rey had never seen a man look like that after fooling around. She was still technically a virgin but had experimented in high school and community college. The couple guys (and the one girl) she had messed with never had _ that _ look on their face when they parted.

She honestly had plans to study after their meeting. However, she opted for a cold shower instead. But her thoughts still lingered on the feel of his erection against her cunt. She turned off the water and went straight to her bedroom. She dug in her closet for the gag gift Rose had given her on her 18th birthday. A dildo. She had never used it. Clitoral orgasms had always been sure and reliable but she now felt she needed something more.

It was slightly less than average in size and mostly anatomical. She laid on her bed and stroked her clit until she was slick. She then slid the tip of the dildo between the lips. She shuddered a bit at the coolness of the rubber and wondered if this would even work. She stroked herself some more and imagined her professor burying himself in her and rutting against her. When she was close, she slid the dildo inside her. A hum escaped her lips at the feeling of fullness it gave her. She could feel herself clenching around it. She thrust into herself a couple times and alternately rubbed circles around her clit. Within minutes, she was cumming.

Meanwhile, Ben locked the door to his office, and turned out the lights.  He should feel guilty about getting close with a student but somehow didn't. She was smart and brash and beautiful. She was twenty, definitely not a child. Independent too. And he now knew she wouldn't let herself feel pressured to satisfy him.

He willed his erection to soften. He tried to muster every disgusting image he could think of. Rotting produce, clogged toilets, etc. Nothing was helping. So he shut himself in his office, made sure nobody could see in, and unbuckled his pants.

He sat in his chair and first imagined her riding him on that chair. He imagined what sort of moans and gasps she would make as she bucked and writhed over him.

He then imagined laying her on his desk with her legs against his shoulders. He saw himself fucking her into the desk with abandon, lips quivering and her walls clenching around him with her pert breasts bouncing in rhythm. With that, he spilled over. He had tissue at the ready to catch it, hoping that the next time he could spill himself on her or in her.

Never in his short career did he imagine ever being infatuated with a student. Maybe it was his loneliness catching up to him. He was nearly thirty years old and had never really been in a relationship. He devoted most of his time to school. He was a prodigy. He had his PhD by the age of 23 and was hired right out of grad school. He was now almost thirty years old and this was the most action he'd had since a spin the bottle game when he was 15 where he awkwardly palmed a breast in the dark. At least he hoped it was a breast.

It didn’t help that he had lost his father and uncle a year ago in a car accident.  His mother had suffered a head injury but had mostly recovered. That’s why he took a sabbatical.  He wanted to make sure she was taken care of. He had never been close to his parents. They had seen his abilities early on and wanted to send him to a school that would harness his potential.  He remembered begging his parents to let him go to First Order Academy. They weren’t sold on it. They had heard stories that it was more a military school than what it was advertised. But the recruiter had gotten his hooks into Ben early on.  It turned out that his parents were right. But as a 12 year old, he didn’t want to admit he was wrong so he stuck with it.

It all worked out in the end.  Sort of. He remained distant from his parents even as they were paying for his post-secondary and post-graduate education.  They were proud of his accomplishments. But, in the end, he was alone. He loved his job and his field but there was a decreasing return in his enjoyment.  Except for one bright Rey of Light.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rose offers her advice. Midterms. Then party!

Rey threw herself into her DiffEq notes over the weekend.  And her History notes…   _And_ her Biology notes.  Anything, _anything,_ to keep from thinking about Ben Solo’s arms around her, his soft lips, his soft hair.  One thing Rey knew for sure was that she wanted to kiss him again.  She found herself rutting against that dildo more times than she would care to count.  Rey counted her lucky stars that she was able to afford her own apartment with the combination of grants, scholarships, and her job.

Her studying carried through to Sunday morning.  The words and symbols in her notes started to bleed together.  She finally decided she needed to tell someone.

“Rose?  Are you busy?”

“Nope.  Don’t tell me you hit your head again?” Rose said with a short giggle.

“No.  Worse.  Can you come over for a bit?  I’ve got stuff for chicken salad.”  Rey admitted.

“Oh, god.  I’ll be over in a bit.”

Rose showed up promptly and Rey let her in.

“Ok, tell me everything.”

And so Rey did, with Rose’s jaw testing the limits of how far it could drop.

“Wow, you weren’t kidding.  This is _a lot_ worse.”  Rose asked.

“You think so?”  Rey asked alarmed.

Rose wilted at that, “No, I’m sorry.  Real talk here.  It was a mistake.  It happens.  He didn’t pressure you in any way?”

“No.  Not at all.  If anything, I pressured him.  And when I asked him to back away, he backed off immediately.”

“Ok, ok, that’s good.  For all we know, he’s kicking himself just as hard.”

“I hope you’re right, Rose.  But how do I move on?  A significant part of me wants to march back into his office and finish what we started.  I even used _it._ ”

“It?”  Rose asked.

“Yeah, your little gift for me on my eighteenth birthday?  I, uh, actually used it.”

“Huh?”  Then Rose’s eye widened.  " _Oh…_ ”

“Yeah.”

“Well, good on you for exploring your body more.  But maybe that will only stoke the flames?”

“You think I should put it away?”

“I mean, I’m no expert.  But maybe just don’t even touch yourself.  Take lots of cold showers.  Maybe you’ll condition yourself to not think of him like that.”

Rey and Rose spent the rest of the afternoon skyping with Finn and watching bad rom-coms on Netflix.

Monday worked its way around again.  And that meant Ben, no, _Profesor_ Solo’s class.  Rey almost contemplated skipping it, making some excuse to stay home.  But she decided against it.   _I_ cannot _be like that.  It was a mistake.  He’ll be his normal asshole self when I walk in there and I’ll forget why I even thought about kissing him._  Just to be sure, she took another cold shower and verbally listed the reasons he was an asshole.   _He grades too harshly.  He acts like he doesn’t want to be there.  He looks down on us every class period.  He had the gall to chastise me on the first day of class._

Her phone had been upgraded to a decent model so no discharging accidents were likely.  It was warming up just enough to get her old Ford to stop fighting her.  The miraculous happened and she found a parking space right in front of the Math Department.  It was 8:47am.  Plenty of time.

When she entered the building, every bulletin board was covered in flyers advertising the annual math/physics faculty/student mixer.  It was set for that Friday.  Rey took out her phone and took a picture of the flier and mentally filed the event away.  It would be a good way to relax after midterms.

Rey walked into class at 8:55am.  Professor Solo followed a few minutes later.  Rey had unknowingly been holding her breath for those minutes.  She didn’t know what to expect from him.  Would he be awkward?  Would he be in a good mood?  A bad mood?  What Rey never imagined was that he would carry on as usual.  His tall form strode into the classroom with his usual assortment of binders and folders.  Just as brooding as ever.  He handed back last week’s homework.  Rey winced as hers was passed along the row.  But when she saw it, her breath hitched.  100%  For the first time, this semester, she had a perfect score on Dr. Solo’s assignment.  But then, this was the one she had put extra effort into while she was convalescing.

“Today, I have a study guide for you all.  As I mentioned last week, there will be a midterm on Friday.  We’ll go through half today and half on Wednesday.”

And so went the first half of her week.  All her classes were having midterms.  Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday were filled with exam reviews.  Thursday was DiffEq and Biology.  She aced those with no problem.  She wasn’t worried about History.  Her professor was a kind, middle-aged woman who made the past come alive.  Rey always felt like she was watching a movie in her class.  She never felt more connected to the past than when she in that class.  Her History midterm, like her Biology midterm, was multiple choice.  She would have to actually put in effort to fail those.  The only midterm that gave her pause was Abstract Algebra.  But only because she would have to come up with proofs on the fly.  And she knew Dr. Solo would want her to be precise despite the time limit.

Rey doubled down on her Abstract Algebra notes.  She poured over every lemma, theorem, and corollary.  She memorized every definition.  She even made flashcards and had Rose quiz her.  In turn, Rey quizzed Rose on her engineering midterms.  And Rose’s advice seemed to work.  She didn’t touch herself at all that week.  It helped that midterms took so much of her time.  Professor Solo acted like nothing had happened.  He hadn’t even looked at her the entire week.  He also never showed back up at the rec center.  Life was 99% back to normal.

Friday morning was like every other morning.  She got up, showered, brushed her teeth, and dressed.  She ate some oatmeal with blueberries.  Her Ford started right up that morning.  Parking was worse than usual but she had plenty of time to get in and find her seat.

When she had the test in hand, she felt like murdering Dr. Solo.  15 questions in total.  And now 45 minutes to complete the test.  3 minutes per question.  And then a 16th question that asked you to write down your research topic (for no credit).

Rey took a few seconds to peruse the test.  She had learned a test-taking tip in high school.  Answer the questions you feel confident with first.  Then make another pass to answer those you are somewhat confident with.  Then, use your remaining time to answer the rest.

_Ok, ok, first four questions are definitions.  Simple._  And she knocked those out in three minutes.

_Alright, let’s see…  Oh, six practical questions.  Easy._  Construct the addition table for Z5.  Prove such and such is a homomorphism.  Relatively easy.  When finished with those, she looked up at the clock and saw that she still had 20 minutes left.

_Five questions left…  Awesome, all proofs.  Wait, this one is from the notes.  Easy enough._

She jotted that one down and as precise as she could remember it.   _Ok, next.  Oh, this one is a consequence of something off the homework.  And…  Done._

  1. _Let u and v be groups and f: u → v be a group homomorphism.  Prove that ker(f) = {e} if and only if f is injective._



And now Rey felt she was really being tested.  This was not one from the notes or homework.  But as she went over the definitions in her mind, she realized that the logic teased itself out.

Rey relaxed after grinding that one out.  There were two more problems after that of about the same complexity.  Rey just had to see how the definitions all fit together.  It dawned on Rey that, once again, she had the wrong opinion of Ben Solo.  Sure, he wasn’t the most expressive man or the most sociable man.  But he did have passion for his field.  He could have thrown his class to the wolves with this midterm.  But this test was… _reasonable._  Challenging but not out of left field.

Rey was the third or fourth to finish her exam.  She had a soft smile on her face as she handed it to Dr. Solo.

“Oh, Miss Jakken,” He called, not quite looking at her.  “I prepared this for you.  For your research paper.  Go over it and we’ll meet sometime next week to discuss it.”  Then, in a softer voice that was almost a whisper, “Possibly in the Library.”

_Oh._  “Oh, right. Of course.  I’ll get right on it.”

She took what was offered.  It was a manilla envelope with a small stack of papers in it.  As she walked down the hall, she pulled them out and perused them.  It was information about Complex Analysis. After what happened, he was still willing to help her with her paper.  Just…  Not in his office.  Rey took a deep breath.  It was understandable.  CSU has one rule: You can date students, just not _your_ students.  Simple.

Walking back through the math department to get to her car, Rey saw the fliers again for the mixer.  Rey could be very introverted but after isolating herself to study for midterms and the horrible mistake with Dr. Solo, she needed to be around people for awhile.  As Rey walked out to her car, she texted Rose.

_You going to this mixer tonight?_

_I was thinking about it.  You wanna go?_

_Yeah, I’m having a rare moment of extroverted-ness._

_LOL. Nice.  But won’t Dr. Solo be there?  Doesn’t that make you nervous?_

_I don’t think he will?  He won’t even look at me._  Then right after that, _He barely talks to_ any _of his students._

_Maybe.  I’ll see you at 6.  Give you a bit of a glo-up?_

_LOL.  Sure. Not too much though._

_Se_ _e you then._

Rey drove home and vegged out for a couple hours.  MST3K played in the background while she absently munched on carrots and played Candy Crush.  It was soon 6pm and Rey went to let Rose in.  Rose carried in a moderately sized case full of different shades of lipsticks and blushes and whatnot.  Rey never paid much attention when Rose gushed about the different types of cosmetics.  It just wasn’t for her.  But every once in a while, Rey felt like enhancing her plain features.  Well, Rey thought she was rather plain looking anyway.  Rose insisted otherwise.

“Do you have your outfit picked out?” Rose asked once they were inside.

“Uhhh, no.” Rey whinced.

Rose glared at Rey.  “What am I going to do with you?  Go pick something out!  And, hey, some of the physics boys aren’t unfortunate looking.  Just keep that in mind.”  Rose ended her statement with a grin.

Rey smirked at that.  She went to her closet and starting rifling through the hangers.  It occurred to Rey that she really hadn’t paid attention to any of her classmates this semester.  She remembered one or two from last semester that might have been interesting.  But the time was never right for introductions.  She thinks one might be the same guy who sits by the window in DiffEq but she can’t be sure.

Rey pulls out a pair of black jeans that have rhinestones on the back pockets in a filigree pattern.  It’s still technically winter in Chandrila so the jeans will be warm.  She then pulls out a white blouse.  Rey never wears white.  Working in a mechanic shop was death to white shirts.  Just being around a white shirt was enough to give it a grease mark or oil stain it seemed.  But tonight, it called to her.  It was soft, glimmery, slightly transparent with three quarter length sleeves.  Rey grabbed a black spaghetti strap to go under it.  Rey turned around to show Rose.

“Ok, ok, it’s simple.  I can work with that.”

Rose sat Rey down and got to work.  Rose was faithful to her promise to not overdo it.  At the end, Rey had a simple glow about her.  Her hair was pulled up in a bun with a few strays hanging down her temples.  Rose herself changed into a simple blue dress.  Rose decided to keep her hair down.  Seeing that it was almost 7:30, they decided to head out.  The pair decided to carpool in Rey’s car.

“Hey, tell me that address again?” Rose asked.

“1024 W. 32nd”  Rey replied.  Rose put it in the GPS and off they went.

It was a 15 minute drive to the opposite side of the medium sized city.  Driving down west 32nd St, they saw a house that had accumulated a lot of traffic and assumed that must be their destination.  It appeared to be a nice neighborhood.  The houses were large modern homes with manicured lawns.  Rey parked two houses down and the girls got out and walked up to 1024.

When they got to the mailbox, Rey let out a small squeak.

“Rey?” Rose asked.  “Rey? What is- Oh.”

The number on the mailbox was 1024.  However, the owner had placed his name on top in small white letters.  _B. Solo_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1024 was my house number growing up. As a little kid, I figured out that I could keep doubling 2 and get to 1024. Then I learned about exponents. 1024 is 2 to the tenth power. 32 is 2 to the 5th and also my age.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey tries to enjoy the party. A surprise guest comes to visit. Ben and Rey get to know each other a little bit.

“Rey?  Rey?  It’ll be alright.  There’s too many people around for anything stupid to happen.  There’s no alcohol either.”

“I don’t know.  Maybe I should just go.”

“Look.  I don’t want to leave.  I’ve been cooped up studying for midterms.  I won’t be able to see Finn until next week.  I need some people time.  You’ve been cooped up too.  Or you wouldn’t even have thought about coming here.”

“Ugh… ok.  Ok.  I'll go in.”

“Good.  You'll have to face him eventually.”

And, of course, Rose was right.  She did say she'd meet with him in the library next week.  She'd have to learn to look him in the eye.

With that, they made their way up the front steps.  The door opened into a small hallway which, in turn, opened up into a large living area.  Soft pop music was playing over a speaker.  People were milling about and chatting.  There was a Settlers of Catan game going on in the kitchen.  Call of Duty was being played on the far wall of the living room.  It was apparently faculty vs. student.  Professor Hux actually seemed to be pretty good at it but a little too into it.  Rey would have knocked him straight on his ass if he called her half the names he used for his opponent.

Dr. Solo appeared out of a side hallway and almost ran into Rose and Rey.  Rey's breath hitched ever so slightly.  He was wearing a dark blue, button up shirt and black pants.  The sleeves were rolled up to his elbows and Rey was reminded of his muscular arms.

“Hello, Miss Jakken.”  Rey couldn’t help but notice that his eyes immediately shifted to the ground.

“I- uh, hello,” Rey replied.  His gaze shifted infinitesimally upward.  She thought she saw the hint of a smile there but…  _ Damn him, why won’t he look at me? _    After half a second, Rey heard Rose clear her throat.

“Right, this is Rose.  She's an engineering major.”

“Ah yes, Rose Tico?” He asked.

“Yeah.  Have we met?”

“Not officially.  Your family’s shop does great work.  Your cousins speak well of you.”

Rose laughed, “Good to hear.”  Ben finally looked up, if only to give Rose a small smile.

Without even realizing she was speaking, Rey blurted out, “I work at the shop too!”   _ What the fuck, Rey? _

“I have no doubt you do great work as well, Miss Jakken.”

Rey didn’t think she could flush any more.

“You  _ can _ call me Rey, you know.  You  _ have _ used it in conversation before.”

Dr. Solo’s eyes widened at that.  “I don’t like to appear overly familiar.”

Rey felt an inexplicable flash of anger at that but was immediately distracted by Rose choking on air.  Rey looked back at her and back at Dr. Solo.  The professor met Rey’s eyes with a glare.

With a deep voice, he told Rey and Rose, “There’s food in the kitchen and games in the dining room.  Make yourselves comfortable.”  With that, he left the two on their own.

Rey and Rose made their way to the Settlers game to watch.  All the while, they chatted with faculty and fellow students and nibbled on finger foods.  Before they could claim their spots on the next round, Rose got a text message that made her squeal with delight and she ran out the front door.  When she came back, Finn was with her.

_ Ok, that justified the squealing. _   Rey ran up and hugged him.  Finn was her first friend in life and she relished every opportunity to be with him.  Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Dr. Solo's brow rise up.   _ Oh great, he's coming over here. _

“Miss Jakken?  Who is your friend?” He asked.

“This is Finn.  Rose's boyfriend.”

“Oh?  Oh!  Yes.  Of course.  You're a lucky man, Finn.”

“For sure.” he replied.

And Rose added, “Yep, all mine,” as she threaded an arm through his.

The four heard a phone ring in someone's pocket.  Dr. Solo immediately reached for his. 

“I'm sorry. I have to take this.  Make yourself comfortable, Finn.”

“Hey, Rose, find us a game to play.  An easy one for the art major here,” Rey said with a wink.  “I'm going to the restroom.”

Finn and Rose laughed and went off to the game table.  Finn was actually pretty damn intelligent.  Listening to him talk about color and shape was mesmerizing.  Rey headed down the hall that Dr. Solo had disappeared down.  The bathroom was easy enough to find.  When she was finished, she walked out and caught a glimpse of the professor on his phone. 

“No, mother, I can't come see you right now.”

“Mom!  I have people over.  I can't leave.”

“They're just trying to give you a sleeping pill.  It's mild.  It's not poison.”

_ His mother is in a home?  _ Rey thought.   _ His mother can't be  _ that _ old? _

“Mama, please, just take it.  I'll have lunch with you tomorrow. I promise.  But I can't leave right now.”

“Ok.  Ok.  Thank you.  Bye.”

Dr. Solo looked up and Rey suddenly realized she overheard way too much of that conversation.

“What are you doing?  Get out of here!”

And Rey found herself stumbling down the hallway and running out the front door.  Tears threatening to erupt.   _ Stupid! Why did I stand there and eavesdrop like that? _

“Rey?” Rose called out.  But Rey didn't hear her.  Next, Rose saw Dr. Solo come down the hallway.

“Rey, wait!” Dr. Solo called out.

“You!” Rose called out.  “What did you do?!”

“I-”

“No, come here.”  Rose grabbed his elbow and dragged him a couple feet down the hallway.

“I'm sorry, Miss Tico.  She accidentally overheard a phone conversation.  I was... harsh with her.”

“Let me tell you about Rey.  She grew up in foster care.  She gets attached really easily.  She fights it.  Tries to deny it.  She's strong as hell because of it.  But every once in a while, a little thing will trigger her, take her back to a bad situation.  All that to say, be careful with her.  Because Finn _ will _ kick your ass, if I don't do it first.”

“Noted, Miss Tico.”

“I just threatened to kick your ass, Solo.  You can call me Rose.”

“Of course.”  With that, Dr. Solo was out the door.

He found her sitting in her car.  She was sniffling and shivering in the cold evening air.

“Rey.  I'm sorry.  Come back inside.”

“You told me to leave so I did.”

“I know.  I know.  I'm sorry.  Please come inside.  It's cold.”

“I should probably just go home.”

Ben felt his chest constrict.  The thought of her leaving was just... depressing.  “No.  Please don't.  Don't let me ruin your night.  Besides, do you always do what you’re told?”

Rey couldn’t help but laugh.  “Not at all.”

“Then come back,” Ben said with a gentle smile.

Rey hesitated and Ben held his breath.  But soon enough, the door clicked open and Ben let go of the air he was holding in.

“Rose told me a bit of your history.  You must have been very lonely.”

“I-  Damn her!”

“Rey.  Don’t be angry, please.  I was going to say that I kinda know how that feels.”

Rey sneered.  “You couldn’t possibly.”

“Try me?” Ben asked. Rey glared at him but waved him on.

“I was always gifted.  My mother taught me to read by the time I was 3.  I had mastered Calculus by the time I was 12.  About that time, prep schools were recruiting me.  Schools for the gifted.  One caught my interest early on.  I was gifted intellectually but I was still a 12 year old kid.  The recruiter really played it up for me.  I begged and begged until they let me go.  They wanted me to stay in a normal school environment but I was lonely.  I thought I would find people like me there.  I was wrong.  But I was stubborn.”

“Why didn’t they want you to go?”

“They could see what I didn’t.  First Order Academy was billed as a school for the gifted.  But it was not only mentally rigorous but physically and emotionally as well.  It turns out that if you stick a bunch of kids together that have always been on top in a normal school setting, they become ferociously competitive to _remain_ on top.”

“I think I understand,” Rey said.  “In care, it was always a fight to curry favor with the foster parents.  A lot of fosters were good, some not so good, but there was always that sense of unattachment.  I had so many things stolen from me by kids  _ and _ fosters.  Other kids blamed things on me to get me in trouble so they would look good.”

“I don’t know what to say,” Ben admitted.  Rey looked down and saw he was stroking her arm.

Rey looked back up and replied, “You don’t have to say anything.  I got out. I got scholarships and grants.  I bought that car and rented my apartment with my first financial aid refund.”

Ben’s other hand found a parallel position on Rey’s other arm and said, “You’re amazing.  Did you know that?”  His eyes found hers and the half second they were focused on each other seemed to dilate.

_ Oh, god, I could kiss him right now.  It would be so easy. _

_ Oh, god, I could kiss her right now. It would be so easy. _

But they both noted that they were outside, in view of several students and faculty.  They quickly parted and headed the rest of the way into the house.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finn says the wrong thing. Rey is embarrassed. Ben is ever so helpful.

Back inside, they found Rose and Finn playing a card game.

“What are you playing?” Rey asked.

“Liverpool.  We just started.  We can scrap this and deal you guys in,” Rose replied.

And so they did.  Rose quickly explained the rules.  “It’s a rummy game kind of like Phase 10,” she said.  And so they began.

During the third round, Rose said, “You know, I never thought you’d be the type to host a party, Dr. Solo.”

Ben smiled and replied, “You’re quite right.  I, uh, lost a bet.”

“You’re joking,” Rose cackled with glee.

“Not at all.  In fact, it’s kind of Rey’s fault that I lost that bet.”

“Wait. What?” Rey replied with wide eyes.

“Remember when you hit your head in the rec center?  I stopped sparring with Dr. Hux to take you to the ER.  It was supposed to be best of 2 out of 3 and the loser would have announced at the faculty meeting that they would be hosting.  I had only knocked him down once when you tripped.  When I went out to help, Hux considered that a forfeit.  And since I missed the meeting, Hux took it upon himself to volunteer my house.”

Rose and Finn were doubled over in laughter.  Rey just looked embarrassed but smiled anyway.

“That’s amazing.  Men in their thirties still playing games like that,” Rose said in between bouts of laughter.

“Well, technically, Rose, I’m 29.  I’ve still got four months left of my 20s,” Ben replied with a smirk.

“See, Rey, I told you!”

“Oh god, Rose, just be quiet,” Rey pleaded.

“You know, Rey, I never did figure out why you tripped that day,” Ben wondered aloud.

“Wasn’t there something about seeing a professor shirtless?” Finn asked.  And Finn immediately doubled over in pain.  Rose had punched him in the kidney under the table.

“Finn, you dolt!” Rose hissed.  Finn saw through bleary eyes that Rose subtly tilted her head in Dr. Solo’s direction.

“Oh, right, I must have misheard.”

“Of course, Finn.” Rose replied with a sweet smile.

A look of understanding bloomed on Ben’s now pink face.  He looked over to Rey whose cheeks were now fully aflame and her hands trembling.

“It’s crowded in here.  I need some air.  Go one without me,” Rey announced.  She threw down her cards, stood up, and walked towards the sliding back door.

Ben’s eyes followed her as she left.  “I’m out too. You guys have fun,” Ben said hurriedly.  He, too, threw down his cards and walked in Rey’s direction.  In truth, his heart wasn’t in the game.  He kept stealing quick glances at Rey.  Her hair pulled up in a messy bun with loose strands hanging by her temples.  Her shirt was sheer enough that he could clearly see the black tank top underneath it.  He could see her strong arms underneath the loose sleeves of the shirt.  He couldn’t help himself when he reached for her out front.  He had really wished he could dip his hands underneath the sheer material.  He had wanted to kiss her again.

He scanned his backyard and didn’t see her.  But he had a hunch as to where she might be.  He had a small shed nestled in the back corner of his lawn.  His back lawn was surrounded by tall privacy fencing and his shed was placed a couple feet from it in a corner.  If someone wanted to hide for a minute, that would be the place.  And sure enough, when he stepped around the corner, there she was.

“Rey?”

“Oh, god, are you always going to follow me?!”  Rey huffed and turned away from him to wipe her eyes in peace.

A small voice in Ben’s brain wanted to say, “ _ If you let me.” _    But he stamped that thought out.

“I, uh, I’m just sorry that you’re not having a good night.”

Rey shivered in the cold evening air.  She slowly turned around and said, “I’ll be fine.  It’s just a lot of people and it’s loud so every little thing sets me off.”

“I’m sorry,” Ben muttered as he moved a rock around with his foot.

Rey sighed.  “It’s not your fault.  I’m just a product of the environment I was raised in.  I was always surrounded by people growing up and sometimes they weren’t good people.  It gave me a good case of anxiety.”

Ben regarded her for a moment.  He desperately wanted to reach out for her.  Ever since his first day at Chandrila, he maintained his distance from all his students.  It was anxiety stemming from his days at First Order.  He wouldn’t be seen even coming close to the line of impropriety.  He had worked hard to distance himself from the aftermath of First Order and Dean Snoke and he didn’t want to risk being fired from the one place that would take him in.

“Dr. Solo?”

Ben snapped out of his reverie.  “Please call me Ben.  From now on, Dr. Solo stays on campus.”

Rey gave him a timid smile.  “Ben.”  She said it as if she had never heard the name before.

Ben smiled back and said, “I want to thank you for your discretion.  What happened in my office… Well…”

_ Well, ‘mistake’ is not the right word.  But, but, I could lose my job.  But it felt so right.  I felt like I was home. _

“I know.  I tried to pretend it didn’t happen.”

“Tried?”

“Well, you know, I didn’t recognize you that day at the rec center until Dr. Hux said your name and…”  As she was talking, she absent-mindedly took the two steps to close the distance between them. “And you dress very modestly.”  With that, she tugged on his collar.

Ben instinctively leaned into the tug.  They were now close enough to feel each other’s breath, each of which getting faster as the seconds dragged on.  When Ben stepped forward, Rey’s left hand traveled up to his neck.  It was warm and inviting, just as it had in his office.  Even more so in the late winter air.  Ben’s right hand rested just above her left elbow.

_ Ok, ok, I have two choices here. _  Ben said to himself.   _ I can gently pull her arm away.  OR I can place her other hand around my neck.  Fuck! Be rational.  You have a goddamned PhD in Math.  Fuck! _

Ben reached for her other hand and placed it on the other side of his neck.  Rey sucked in a large breath of cold air.  She saw that Ben’s eyes were alight again, even in the darkness.  This time, he initiated the kiss and Rey sighed.  Even in the winter air, his lips were soft.  And she could smell his aftershave.  It was a woodsy, smokey musk that made her head spin.  His tongue darted out to meet hers, each greedy to taste the other.  Ben gently pushed her back against the shed.  His hands ghosting the hem of her black tank top.  Rey’s hands dipped underneath his to grab his ass and pull him as close as possible to which Ben elicited a low growl.

Being so close to her sent blood flowing south.  Ben felt his cock twitch.   _ Shit! _  And Ben immediately pulled back.

“What’s wrong?” Rey asked breathlessly.

“Absolutely nothing.  But if we keep going, I’ll have to, uh, take care of things.”  With that, Ben looked down.

“ _ Oh. _  Right.  That... would not be good.”

“Not at all” Ben said with a small laugh.  “This is crazy but… will you come by tomorrow?  At about 6? We don’t have to do anything.  I just…  want to see you.  Especially outside my classroom.  You look beautiful tonight.”

Rey bit her lip.  This would be a huge step.  This would be deliberate.  There would be no deniability if they crossed that line again while alone in his house.

Ben covered her hands in both of his and with a trembling voice said, “You don’t have to answer me right now.  Just come.  We don’t have to do anything except possibly eat dinner.”

“Right.  I’ll think about it.”

“Great!  Now, we need to get back inside without looking like we just made out.”

Rey took a second to think.  “I’ll leave from this side,” she said, pointing to her right.  “And you wait a couple minutes and leave from the other.  It’ll give you a chance to, uh, calm yourself.”  With that, Rey gave him a wink and walked off to her right.  Once again, he had that look as though he had found a great treasure.  It made Rey feel like she was floating.

Rose approached the sliding door at the same time as Rose.

“Rey!  Good.  I think Finn and I are going to head to my place.  I need to teach him some manners.  Are you ok by yourself?”

Rey laughed.  “Yeah, I’ll be alright.  Have fun with that.”

Rose and Rey hugged briefly.  Rose found Finn and dragged him out the door.

Rey made sure her keys and phone were in her pocket and headed that way as well.  Waiting for Ben would just look suspicious.

At home, she paced and fidgeted.  She was full of nervous energy.  Images of Ben Solo floated through her mind.  She thought of the couple people she had messed around with in juco.  None of them could get her off.  It felt like they were picking her nose for all the excitement it brought her.  She had felt there was something wrong with her.  The movies always made it seem easy.  She could get herself off but as soon as anyone else came near, she felt… nothing.  It wasn’t bad.  She didn’t feel violated but there was just… nothing.  Like she had just received or given a complex handshake.  That is why she still remained a virgin.  

Penis in Vagina meant possible pregnancy and disease.  She didn’t feel like the risk outweighed the benefit.  Sure, she had regularly received a depo shot since she turned 16 and she would have insisted on condoms.  But Rey felt that it was a large hassle for no guarantee of pleasure.

That is, until Ben Solo.  She would  _ never  _ have thought she would be the type to go after a professor.  Nor someone who was almost ten years older.  But just the brush of his hand sent sparks all along her nervous system.  His muscled arms wrapping around her sent shockwaves to her core.  His honey brown eyes lit a fire in her.  And the way he responded to her was unique as well.  No one had complained about her handjob skills but no one looked at her afterward with such ravenous eyes.  And she hadn’t even really touched Ben yet.  It made her feel powerful.  All she had to do was kiss him and he was an absolute mess.

_ Fuck it. _  Rey thought to herself.  She went into her closet and fetched the package that contained her now slightly used dildo.  She shirked her clothes and jumped into bed.  She began with her clit, thinking about how differently their time behind the shed could have gone.  How he might have dipped his hand underneath the waistband of her jeans.  How he might have rubbed her clit until she was dripping.  Then she imagined him stretching out a finger to find her entrance.and probing deep.  At that, she sunk the small dildo inside herself.  Her head snapped back to the pillow.  It was small but it was enough.  She continued to thrust into herself, imagining that it was a couple of Ben’s fingers sinking into her.  It wasn’t long until an orgasm washed over her and she finally fell asleep.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben visits his mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a short chapter but full of angst. Have fun!

 

Ben slept in that morning.  He shuffled the last of his visitors out at 11pm.  He, too, was restless after his second encounter with Rey.  He normally might have left the mess until the morning but his brain was firing off in random directions.  Rey, with him, alone in his house.  Would she even take up his invitation?  He tried to stamp out the salacious images his animal brain conjured up.   _ That’s not why I want her to come over, _ he repeatedly urged to himself.  He would never pressure a woman to be with him.  After what happened at First Order, there was no way he would have it in him to do it.  He knew of several students that were left broken after what happened.  It had scarred Ben deeply.  He didn’t seek out relationships in college.  A couple women showed interest.  He even went on a few dates.  But he never got close to anyone.  Physically or emotionally.

But now.  Now.  His life had changed considerably.  His father and uncle gone.  His mother deteriorating.  What did he have left?  He felt so alone in the weeks before the semester started.  He thought getting back to teaching would help.  And it did, in a way.  At least there were people around him.  People who depended on him.  People who sought him out for what he knew.  But it was more a bandaid than anything.  When he was at home, or even just his office, the silence was deafening.

And he had seen something familiar in Rey.  He couldn't have possibly have known her history but he knew,  _ knew,  _ she was like him.  The way her shoulders sometimes sagged under invisible weight.  Or how her eyes sometimes took on the aura of an owl.  Alert.  Watchful.  Because there was nobody to watch her back.

Several times, as he was cleaning up, he reached for his phone to send a text.   _ I'm sorry.  This is wrong. _  But his hand would start shaking and he'd remember her lips on his and her delicate touch.  He had craved that for so long.  The feeling of melting into somebody.  But fear always won out in the end.  The couple kisses he shared with other women were lackluster.  Like exchanging saliva for a science experiment.  A physical act and nothing more.

But Rey…  All she had to do was tug on his collar and he was undone.  The ghost of her fingertips on his neck.  The feel of her heat against his cock.  He could live in those moments for eternity.

Ben mulled over these thoughts until every last surface of his house was sparkling.  His father would be appalled at how clean it was.  And Ben felt a little smug about that fact.

He woke up with just enough time to meet his mother for lunch.  He grimly thought she might not even remember what he told her last night but he went anyway.

His mother, Leia Organa, suffered a head injury in the same car accident that claimed his father and uncle.  She had been a formidable woman.  She still is but she now has episodes where she is in some other space.  Last night was one of those episodes.  She had called him because she was scared of the nurses knocking on her door, convinced they were going to poison her and take her to a torture chamber.  Ben thought that maybe she was reliving one of her stories.  She had been a great writer with several bestsellers.

The home he had chosen was very highly rated.  Everything was state-of-the-art.  Spa and salon.  A small rec center with physical therapists on call.  Professional chefs.  And the nurses were hired in a very competitive hiring process with some of the highest salaries in the area.  Ben just hoped it didn't suck away his  _ whole _ inheritance.  Between his mother's political thrillers and his father's freight business, there was a substantial nest egg.

His mother was sitting by herself in the main dining room.  He maneuvered over to her table and quietly sat across from her.  She was reading a book while her food was brought out to her.

He gently placed a hand on her arm and whispered, “Mom?”

Her face brightened instantly.  “Oh Ben. Come here!”  With that, she pulled him into a hug.  She held him for a few moments before stepping back to look at him.

“I wasn’t expecting you today!”  Ben brushed it off.  It was now about a year since the accident.  She had gotten through the scrapes and bruises.  She had survived the coma and her brain swelling and bleeding.  But there were scars on her mind.  She was herself 90% of the time but the other 10% necessitated the need for round-the-clock care.  Right now, she was lucid but didn’t remember any of their conversation the night before.

They sat down and Ben asked her about her book.  “Oh, it’s a silly thing I picked up in our small library.  I always thought about writing science fiction but never got around to it.”  She looked off into the corner with a wistful smile on her face.  “How’s your thesis coming along?”

“Mother?”

“Don’t tell me you’re stalled again?  Have you talked to your advisor?”

Ben realized that she was not as lucid as he thought she was.  The doctors had told him to just play along and not put any stress on her.

“No, no, it’s going well.  It’s almost ready to turn in.”

Leia seemed to gather herself and said, “No, wait, you graduated years ago.  I’m sorry, Ben.  It’s so hard to keep track of where everybody’s at these days.”

A nurse aid came around with two trays of food and set them in front of Ben and Leia.  Ben thanked the man and then reached out for his mother’s hand again.

“It’s ok, mama.  You’re still here.  That’s all that matters.”

They ate and she talked about the book she was reading.  Ben had to hide his heartbreak when she skipped over words or lost her train of thought.   But he was also thankful that she was as lucid as she was, that he could carry on a conversation with her.

He walked her back to her room where she sat at her desk with her laptop.  She had a document pulled up and began typing furiously.

Ben pulled up a chair next to her.  “Are you working on a new book?”

“Trying.  I- I don’t feel like I’ve got a lot of time left.  The deadline of all deadlines.” She said with a laugh.

Ben felt his stomach drop.  “Mom!  Don’t say that!”

She stopped and looked her son in the eyes.  With a hand on his cheek, she said, “Oh my beautiful boy.  You’re a warrior but you’re also full of compassion.  And love.  You fought for those kids all those years ago.  But this is something that you can’t save me from.  I need you to accept that.  Because when the time comes, I’m going to be with your father and my brother.”

“But you’re not even 55 yet!  You’ve still got years ahead of you!”  Ben was feeling anger and despair rising in his blood.

“I may yet still have them.  I can’t say.  But, Ben, you need to let go.  Let go of your father and me.  Let go of First Order.  Have you found anyone, Ben?  To be with you?  It doesn’t have to be a woman.  You know I don’t care about that.  Your father wouldn’t have either.  I just worry about you being alone.”

“I, well…” Ben rubbed the back of his neck.  Leia raised an eyebrow.

“That, young man, is not an immediate no.  I like this.  Tell me everything.”

And Ben told her about Rey.  He conveniently left out the part about her being his student.  But he told her about how one kiss made him feel alive again.  Like he had found his foundation.

“I think you’re in love with her,” Leia said with a smirk.

“Mom!  No.  It’s just nice to talk to someone who  _ actually _ likes math.”  Which is true.  A lot of math majors chose their major simply because they believed it would lead to a good career which is, admittedly, not a  _ bad _ reason to choose a major.  And yet more students simply saw math as a tool of the sciences, rather than a wonderland of madness and beauty.  He could see it in her eyes during his lectures.  The way all the pieces would come together and ebb and flow and the ideas that sprung forth out of old ideas.  She was still new but the foundation was there.

“Whatever you say, Ben.  Go home.  Call her.  Invite her over.  Don’t waste time.”

“But mom!”

“I don’t want to hear it.  Go.  So I can hammer out this chapter in peace.”

That was Leia Organa for you.  Always on a mission.  Growing up, he had resented that about her.  Sometimes her projects took over her life.  But now he was content that she was trying to keep her mind active and that she was happy despite her circumstances.

“Ok, ok.  I love you, mama.”  And Ben kissed her forehead.

“I love you too, my beautiful boy.”

He rushed home, fighting tears all the way.  When he got inside his home, he turned out the lights, turned on CNN with the volume up, and let the tears flow.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Our protagonists each have an internal debate about whether this is a good idea.

Saturday morning broke through the blinds in her bedroom.  She blearily grabbed some clothes and showered.  In the new day, she didn’t feel so confident.  Ben had asked her to come over for dinner.  With his aftershave in her nose, and his hands skirting the hem of her shirt, it had seemed like a given.   _ Come over and get more of this?  What kind of stupid question is that?! _

But now Rey was hit with the cold rationalism that one experiences after an orgasm and a good night’s sleep.  She could lose her scholarship and possibly be expelled.  He could lose his job.  It went against her own moral compass, not just school policy.  Risking all of that for sex?  That’s really not a difficult decision.  _ That’s all this is, isn’t it?  It’s just animalistic attraction.  We’re both adults. We’re lonely.  It’s not like we’re dating or even really like each other. _

_ But then, he really just asked me to dinner.  No pressure.  Isn’t that…. A date??? _

Rey huffed and made some eggs.  On her kitchen table, she saw the envelope that Ben had given her after the test and decided to get to work on it.

Rey spent several hours devouring the information that Ben had gathered for her.  Complex numbers were fascinating.  She had no idea there was such depth to such a simple idea as the square root of -1.  She now realized that the terms “real” and “imaginary” were unfortunate names.  “Real numbers” were no more real than “Imaginary numbers”.  Complex numbers could be plotted just like points on a plane.  They could be treated as vectors.  She learned that she could write them in terms of their magnitude and direction using Euler’s number.

That really intrigued her.  e^( ix) = cos(x) + i[sin(x)]  She had never thought of Euler’s number being connected to trig or complex numbers.  (Although, it would come up in DiffEq shortly.)  The worksheets that Ben printed out were guided to come up with some fascinating results.  For example, e^(i*pi)  = 1 which could be rearranged to form e^(i*pi)  - 1 = 0.  Ben had written a note in the margin.

_ This identity contains the five most important numbers in mathematics.  It brings together the three main branches of mathematics: algebra, geometry, and analysis.  For me, it was my first “looking glass” moment and I haven’t looked back. _

Rey could definitely see where he was coming from.  It was beauty out of chaos.  And she thought that also sounded a lot like her life.  She didn’t remember much before foster care.  Just hunger.  And exhaustion.  Her parents were meth addicts.  They had overdosed and she had been left to fend for herself.  She remembers drinking water out of the sink.  But she had been too little to cook, not that there was food to be had anyway.  She thinks it was three days before she decided to leave.  It had started to smell and she didn’t like it.  She roamed the halls of the run-down apartment building and was found by the owner.

Chaos.  No other word for it.  She spent her childhood being shifted from one home to the next.  She had to start over more times than she could count.  She had wonderful fosters and terrible ones.  But deep down, she was a fighter.  She saw so many children get sucked up into the same lifestyle of their biological parents.  She saw many children who succumbed to the trauma of it all.  She knew of some who would likely spend the rest of their lives in a mental institution.  But there were also many, like her, who began to make choices early on to make sure they didn’t go down that path.  Finn was one of them.

And now?  Now she was a student at a decent university with a 3.7 GPA with a good scholarship.  She had a job, her own place, and a car.  Finn has similar.  Now he was at a prestigious art school on a full scholarship.  The cult he was rescued from would never have allowed him to explore his artistic abilities.  And he had Rose, who they met in juco.

In that sense, Finn was ahead of Rey, not that it was a competition.  Rey and Finn always thought of each other as siblings.  The idea that they would become lovers was laughable.  Sometimes, the only way to stop people questioning them was to ask, “Do you and your siblings have that kind of relationship?”  The looks on people’s faces were a riot.

Further along in her packet, she found some other interesting identities.  Such as the fact that i^ i = (e^( -i*pi))/2 = 0.20788…  It cemented her notion that complex numbers were legitimate numbers.  That they could interact with different types of numbers.

Then she started getting into complex functions.  Complex functions, in a sense, require you to think four-dimensionally.  Rey took a deep breath.  She remembered the first lesson Ben taught her.  _ It’s all about the definitions. _  A function is a rule that assigns a member of one set to a member of another set.  And members of the first set can’t be assigned to two members of the latter set.  Functions in other classes (such a DiffEq) joined an x to a y.  Complex functions joined a point to another point.   _ So I’m supposed to somehow think four dimensionally??? _

Her morning and afternoon was spent learning the basic algebra and geometry of complex numbers.  With the introduction of functions, it was starting to feel like a challenge and Rey wanted to dive in but it was now late afternoon.  And a cold voice of utter reason spoke to her,  _ Do you really want to go over there? _

_ Yes!  No. _

_ Yeeeessss!!!!  No... _

_ Flashes of soft hair and soft lips.  His bare chest glistening with sweat. _

_ Stop it!  It’s just dinner. _

_ What if it’s a game? _

_ Stop! _

_ Maybe this is his thing.  You don’t know that.  He probably has a whole lineup of students from every class he’s taught. _

_ But he seems so repressed? _

Then a fiery red voice broke in.   _ Who cares if it’s a game?  Don’t you want to see what else he’s hiding under those sweaters and blazers? _

_ But maybe he just wants a friend? _

Rey had begun to imagine blue and red entities fighting over what she should do.  Blue accused Ben of wanting to use her and dump her.  Red wanted  _ Rey _ to use  _ him _ .  And Rey herself was caught in the middle insisting neither was true.   _ Ok, ok, so I kissed him and he kissed back.  And it was amazing.  And, maybe, _ maybe _ , I want to kiss him again.  But it’s just dinner. _

Rey looked at her phone and saw that it was already 5pm.   _ Shit! _  She looked down.  She was in a pair of old shorts and an even older tshirt.  It was still winter outside her four walls so she decided to throw on some yoga pants, gray tank top, and a hoodie.  On her way out of her bedroom, she decided to throw the packet of papers back in their envelope and take it with her.   _ Ice breaker _ , she thought.  She threw the packet in her backpack, along with her textbook, laptop with charger, a notebook, and some pencils.   _ That’s it.  I’m just going to get homework help. _

* * *

Ben had fallen asleep on his couch as his tears were spent.  He was woken up by a news anchor loudly announcing, “This is CNN and it is now 6pm Eastern Standard Time.”

_ Shit!  Fuck!  Wait, that means it’s only 5pm here.  Ugh, I should call her.  I’m a mess.  She would probably run screaming if she saw me right now. _

_ But wait, I don’t have her number. _

_ But I could get it from school records. _

_ Would that be creepy?  I shouldn’t call her without permission. _

_ Maybe. _

Then he thought of his mother.  “Call her. Invite her over.”  Little did she know that he already had.  And then her commnad to, “Let go of First Order.”   _ Let go of what happened.  Stop being afraid of getting close to people.  The aftermath of First Order was  _ not _ your fault. _

_ Ugh, ok, what’s the damage here. _

He got up, walked into his master bathroom, and flipped on the light.  His eyes were not as puffy as he thought they would be.  He thought that perhaps the nap helped.  His eyes were red though and he rifled through his cabinet for eye drops.  He also decided to brush his teeth and wash his face.  Then deodorant and cologne.  And then he quickly ran a comb through his hair.

_ Better, better, _ he thought.  But then he looked down at his clothes.  He was still wearing the button up shirt and slacks that he visited his mother in.  They were now wrinkled on the side he had laid on.  _ Too formal anyway,  _ he thought.  He went to his closet and grabbed a pair of jeans.  Then he grabbed a dark gray t-shirt out of his dresser and slid both on.

It was now 5:30.   _ Ok, ok, not formal but not looking homeless.  Perfectly safe.  She may yet still run when he sees me though. _

He walked out to his living room and saw the clean kitchen.  He groaned.  He hadn’t been to the grocery store this week.  And he remembered saying something about dinner to her.

_ Ok, Solo, what were you going to do?  Cook up a five course meal? _

_ No!  Shut up! _

And then his father’s voice chimed in,  _ You’re thinking way too hard about this.  Ask her what she wants when she gets here, then you can send out for it. _

_ Ok, ok, I can do that. _

And Ben could have sworn he heard an audible “good luck, son” and almost tripped on a chair leg.

* * *

Rey paced her apartment until 5:45.  She was pretty sure the carpet would bear a permanent mark from her nervous frenzy.  When 5:46 hit, she grabbed her backpack, her phone, and her keys and headed out the door.  The ten minute drive felt like an eternity despite having almost no traffic.  She soon found his street and turned in.  She pulled in his driveway and shut off her car.  But she was frozen.   _ Am I too early?  It’s 5:55.  Will I seem desperate?   Or maybe he was joking?  No, no, he wasn’t joking.  Oh god, well, I’m here, I may as well get out of the damned car. _

And so she did.  With a deep breath, she knocked on the door.  And with a deep breath, Ben opened the door.  Rey immediately looked down.   _ Oh god, jeans and t-shirt stretched across his pecs…  I bet those jeans hug his ass too.  Did he do this on purpose? _

On Ben's side,  _ Well, she hasn't run yet.  Are those yoga pants?  I never cared about yoga pants before.  Why do I care now?! _

They regarded each other like this for a long second before Rey broke the silence.

“Hi.”

“Hi.  Uh, come in.”

Rey walked in and Ben followed.

“What’s in the backpack?” Ben asked.

“Huh?  Oh, right, I brought that packet with me.  I got through a lot of it.  But I thought you could help me with the rest?”

Ben smiled.  “That is a great idea.  Are you hungry?  I was going to send out for something.”  Ben imagined his father giving him a thumbs up.   _ Stop it! _

“Chinese?”

“Perfect!”

Rey plopped her backpack on the dining room table and started pulling out the incidentals.  Ben got on the phone and ordered an obscene amount of chicken fried rice.   Rey sat down at a corner and Ben sat at the same corner.

“So how far did you get?”

“I got through the algebra and geometry parts.  I've been muddling through the functional analysis part.  It kind of hurts my brain to think four dimensionally.”  With that, Rey tugged off her hoodie.

Ben blinked but it did nothing to erase the images in his head.  He nodded in agreement.  “Definitely, definitely. There’s a way around it though.”

“How?”

“Well, let’s start with basics.  The identity function, for instance.  You put in a point on the complex plane and the function spits it right back out.”  Ben took a blank piece of paper and drew two coordinate axes.  “So zero goes to zero.  Three plus two i goes to three plus two i.  Etc.”  He drew arcs from set of axes to the other.

“Simple enough.” She replied.

Ben drew another set of coordinate axes.  “Ok, so next level is, oh, let’s say z plus 1.  So you put in a complex number and add 1 to it.  So now zero goes one.  Three plus two i goes to four plus two i.  Uh, negative five minus six i goes to negative four minus six i.”

“Oh, so everything basically shifts over one unit.”

“Yes.  Exactly.”  And so he did another couple of examples.  Adding i will shift the number up one unit.  You can add a complex number to z to shift it horizontally as well as vertically.  “Ok, what do you think the function two z will do?”

Rey took the paper back from him and flipped it over.  She drew her own axes.  “Well, zero will still go to zero.  One plus i will go to two plus 2i.  Uh, negative two plus four i will go to negative four plus eight i.”

“And what does that do?”   


“Well, it stretches everything out to double its size.”

“Exactly.  Ok, what about z over three?”

“You know, I kinda wish we had a blackboard to draw this stuff out.”  Rey mused.

“I have a whiteboard actually but...” Ben nervously replied.

“But what?”

“It’s in my bedroom,” he replied flatly.

Rey pursed her lips.  “Ok, um, that could be problematic...  But this isn't the movies, right?  I’ll sit at the head of the bed and you stay by the whiteboard.  We don’t touch.  We’re here to eat, talk, and do math.  Nothing else, right?”

“Right.”

_ No big deal,  _ they both told themselves.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Math lesson turns to Anatomy lesson.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda nervous about this chapter. Let me know what you think!

Rey stacked everything together and followed Ben into his bedroom.  For Rey, it was the biggest bedroom she had ever seen.  He had a king size bed on the opposite side from the door.  To her left was his closet.  Opposite the closet was a large window.  The blinds were down and slanted upwards.  To her immediate right, was another door that led to his master bathroom.  Past the door, was the whiteboard.  It had several diagrams and formulations drawn out that Ben was quickly erasing.

“I had it installed when I bought the place.  It’s nice to be able to scribble something out at three in the morning.”

Rey’s eyes brightened and she smiled.  “I love it.  I want one.”

Ben replied with only a shy smile.  But inwardly, sirens were blaring.   _ That’s the hottest thing I’ve ever heard in my life! _

Rey went over to his bed, kicked off her shoes, and climbed in.  

_ Don’t look at her ass, Solo. _  And Ben found himself erasing the same square foot of his whiteboard while she spread out her things across the bed.  She grabbed a pillow to prop up her binder. 

_ I wonder if this smells like him. _   She mused to herself.  “So z over 3, right?”

“Yes.”

“Ok, well, I imagine it would shrink the complex plane.  Three plus three i would scale down to one plus i.”   
  
“Great, great.  What about negative multipliers?”

“Um, the negative would flip the plane across the horizontal axis and then stretch or shrink according to the absolute value.”

“Exactly.  How about this?”  And Ben wrote  _ f(z) = iz _ on the board.  “Give me a point to put in.”

“Ok, one.  Just one.”  Ben put a dot on 1 on a set of axes.  “And that’ll go to i.”

“Right.”

“Um, 3 + 2i.”  And Ben plotted it.  “And that will go to, uh, negative two plus three i.”

After some thought, she concluded, “Oh, wow, it’s a 90 degree rotation.”

Ben’s smile grew wide.  “Exactly.”

Rey set her pencil down on her binder and shifted.  The pencil rolled off the binder, off the pillow, bounced off the bed and onto the floor. 

“Damn,” Rey muttered as she sat up and bent over the edge of the bed.

Ben raced around to the side of the bed and said, “Let me get that.”

He picked it up and handed it to her.  Her hand brushed his.

_ Goddammit, she's on her knees and in my bed. _

_ Fucking hell, I've been staring at that ass this whole time. _

So when he didn't immediately let go of the pencil, she pulled him to her.  On the bed and on her knees put her at eye level with him.  His eyes were bright, even in the dim light.  She saw entire worlds in his eyes.  Possibilities, ideas, futures.  So, once again, she found her arms snaking around his neck and now there was no starched collar to deal with.  And she sighed when his arms went around her waist.

“What is this?” Rey asked breathily, reacting to the feeling that was passing between them.

“I have no idea,” he admitted.

With that, he attacked her lips.  Lips parted and tongues enmeshed.  Ben guided Rey down to the bed and he followed.  Rey felt like she would come unglued with the feeling of his weight and warmth on top of her.  Her hands wandered the broad plains of his chest and around to his back.   _ This t-shirt hides nothing! _   She then reached for his ass to pull him as close as possible.  Once again, her legs wrapped themselves around him.

Ben hissed against her neck but continued to lick and suckle at her jugular.  He relished the sound of her breath quickening into a near moan.  One hand at a time ghosting her sides and hips.

_ Should I go for the breasts?  Maybe that's too much? _

_ I wish he would stop playing and go for the tits. _

Rey felt every muscle in her body tightening up.  She was lost in the sensations Ben was bringing to her neck.  So lost that her hips were moving of their own volition.  The feel of his quickly growing erection plus the coarseness of his jeans muted by the layer of her cotton pants was just the right amount of friction against her clit.  Suddenly…

Ben felt her stiffen underneath him and she suddenly gasped.  She then wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his neck.

“Wha-  What’s wrong?”  His voice trembled.  Ben nudged her so he could look at her.  Her face was flushed, her breathing labored, her pupils wide.

She palmed his cheek and said, “Absolutely nothing.  That was incredible. And we weren’t even naked!”  With that, she flushed an even deeper crimson and let out a small laugh.

_ Oh?  OH! _    “You mean you….”

“I came.”  She stated with a grin.

Ben’s stomach flipped and fluttered at that.  He had never been responsible for another person’s orgasm before.  The locker room stories always made it seem like it was something you had to work toward but this happened without him even trying.  A primal voice in his brain was cheering.   _ Ha!  Fuck yeah!  I did that!   _ He had been vaguely aware that her legs were wrapped around him and that his erection was straining and rubbing inside his jeans and against her heat.  But he was lost in her.  He wanted to melt into her and never come back.

She laughed and, with wonder, said, “I’ve never came with another person before.”

_ Oh? _    “Y-You haven’t?”

“No.  Wait.  Does that bother you?”  Her eyes narrowed with concern and she brought a hand up to cover her face.  Her next words came out in a hurried slur.  “I’m sorry.  I know-some-guys-are-weird-about-that-and-”

Ben gently moved her hand away and ran a thumb across her lips.  “Rey.  Don’t be sorry.  It’s a first for me as well.”

“Really?  You’ve never…”

“I haven’t.  I, uh, it was never the right time.  Aside from an awkward party game when I was 15, I have never received or given more than a kiss.”

“Oh, well, I’ve given more than a kiss,” Rey admitted with a shy smile.  “But I would feel nothing when they tried to reciprocate.  So I never went beyond, well, hands.”

“So we would be each other’s firsts.  Uh, I mean, if we…”

“Yes, Ben.”

“So that’s a possibility?”  Ben gulped.  A storm of feelings rushed through him.  Ben hated how the culture made it seem like you weren’t human if you didn’t engage in sex.  But, for him, it was also much deeper than that.  The trauma of surviving First Order left him unable to get close to people.  His good intentions and his victory over Snoke had been spat on and ground into dust by the people he was trying to help.  Ever since, he was afraid that his caring, his compassion, would get twisted and thrown back at him.  But, with Rey, it felt so natural.  She responded to him in the most delightful ways.  He never believed in people having chemistry but, if there  _ was _ such a thing, Rey and him had it.

Rey herself suddenly felt nervous.  Dare she say that she wants him?  The thought of saying it felt like opening a wound.  You don’t go through foster care without at least one person playing with your feelings or the courts and social workers making promises they couldn’t keep or being unable to meet unspoken needs.

Ben could sense her hesitation.   _ Fuck!  I said too much.  15 year old me needs to shut the fuck up! _  To Rey, he said, “I’m sorry.  I don’t want to pressure you.  I would never,  _ ever _ , do that.”

“Ben, you’re so sweet.  You’re not pressuring me at all.”  And with a deep breath, she added, “Yes, that is a possibility.  Help me up?”

He pushed himself up and onto his knees and then pulled Rey up.  Right then, a puzzle piece clicked into place.  “Is that why you wanted to stop in my office?”

“Well… yeah.  It seemed kind of trope-y.  I, uh, don’t need my first time to be  _ super _ special but being bent over a desk wasn’t really what I had in mind.”

Ben choked on some air and Rey laughed.  Rey then asked, “Do you want me to take care of that for you?” while pointing at the bulge along Ben’s thigh.

“I, uh, you don’t have to…”

Rey leaned forward with a hand on each of his thighs and said, “I want to.  I got mine.  I want to give it back.  I have a request though.”

“Anything,” he choked out.

“Shirt off,” Rey demanded and Ben eagerly complied.  Rey scooted up so that she was straddling a thigh.   _ This is promising, _ Rey thought.  She stroked the outline of his erection and Ben let out a shuddering gasp.  She then unbuttoned his jeans, lowered the zipper, and shimmied them down a bit.  Ben noted that Rey’s eyes had a greedy glint to them, like she was opening a birthday present.  Her small hand reached in and pulled him free.   _ Oh god, he’s proportional, _ she squealed silently, as if the denim had lied to her.  The heat of her hand and the coolness of the air against his cock made him groan.

Rey reached one hand around his neck to bring his lips to hers.  With the other hand, she slowly explored him from base to tip.  Ben’s arm came around her waist and settled on her ass, subtly urging her on.  Rey built up a rhythm, using droplets of precum to lubricate.  With every stroke, she rode his thigh.  And with every stroke, Ben’s hips snapped to meet her pace.  Ben’s head lolled back and Rey gently sucked on the open skin of his throat.

It didn't take long for his pace to become erratic.  His free hand searched blindly for where he set down his shirt.  Anything to catch the mess that was about to erupt out of him.

“Are you…  ah… thinking about me… uhhh…  bent over that desk?” Rey whispered and moaned into his ear.  His only response was a low whine.

“If you’re good, mmhm… I’ll let you... have me... on every surface… ahhh… of that office.”   _ Good lord, where did that come from?  Oh god, I don’t care, his thigh is so solid and warm. _  With that, Rey felt her body go rigid again and suddenly release with sparks and waves of electricity.  It wasn’t as strong as the first but it was solid.  Ben’s head snapped forward and he growled into her neck as his own orgasm overtook him.

“Fuck, Rey!”  He growled against her neck.  The vibrations added to the aftershocks of her orgasm.  Despite the charged atmosphere, she giggled. 

“I didn’t even know you knew those words, Professor.”  And Rey laughed some more.  Ben still had a firm grip on her ass and he squeezed.  Rey thought she might have marks on her ass after this.

“Oh, I know lots of words, Rey.  You have no idea.”  With that, he gave her neck a quick lick.

She laughed and gave him a small push.  She slowly disengaged from his thigh and when she looked down…

“Oh, wow.”  She said flatly.

Ben looked down as well, seeing as his thigh was suddenly very cold.  Rey had soaked through her yoga pants to the point that Ben’s jeans were damp.  Shame ghosted Rey’s features and Ben gathered her in a hug and said, “Don’t be embarrassed.  I’d be worried if things  _ didn’t _ get a little damp.”

He kissed her on the cheek, put himself away, and climbed off the bed and Rey followed.  “Let me see if I have something for you to wear and we can wash our pants.”

Ben looked through his closet.  He had a small plastic dresser stashed in the corner that he kept some old things in.  He quickly found a pair of blue shorts with a drawstring and handed them to her.

“You can use my bathroom.  I'll go down the hall and use the other bathroom.  Ok?”  With that, Ben tucked a lose strand of hair behind her and kissed her forehead.

“Ok.”  And Rey turned and went into the bathroom.

Ben grabbed some black sweats and headed down the hall.

_ Oh fuck!  That was incredible!   _ Ben thought as he practically skipped down the hall.

_ Oh fuck, what am I doing?! _   Rey thought as she tried to figure out how to turn on the hot water.

Rey's emotions had a habit of building up and then coming at her all at once.  This was no exception.  Now that she had come down from her orgasmic high, her rational side came roaring back like a tsunami.  Something akin to shame was building up in her.  Rey thought of her scholarship.  She had mostly straight As in high school.  She worked hard to get where she is now.  As the water poured over her, her mind went down several timelines of possible futures.  The one where she gets expelled and ends up working at the shop the rest of her life.  The one where she doesn't even have that to fall back on.  The one where she loses her scholarship and has to take out loans.  The one where she gets a reputation on campus for sleeping with professors for better grades.

Then there's the future where Ben dumps her before class on Monday or dumps her after they have sex.  Her chest swells at that.  But right then she was interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Rey?  Are you ok?”  He had showered and had come back to hear the water running but no movement.

“Y-yeah.”

“Can I come in?  You can keep the curtain pulled.”

“I don't know.”

“I just want to talk.  To make sure you're ok.”   _ Please let me fix it! _

“I... I… Yeah.”   _ Better get it over with… _

Rey ran to unlock the door and ran back under the warm water.  Ben walked in and sat on the edge of the tub.

“It's a bit overwhelming, isn't it?” He said.

Rey let out a stifled laugh.  “Yeah.”

“I meant it, you know.”

“Meant what?” Rey asked.

“I've never done this before.  Rose told me you get attached easily.  Attachment is scary.  It's overwhelming.  I totally understand.”

“You do?”

“Well, yeah.  My experience at First Order, the prep school I attended, was traumatic.  I had the opposite reaction.  I couldn't get close to anyone.  I couldn't form an attachment at all.  I was always afraid.  Afraid of rejection.  Of resentment.”

“So this is where you tell me it was fun but everything goes back to normal on Monday?”

Ben's heart broke.  There was no way he could throw her away like that.  There was no way he could pretend it didn't happen.  And there was no way he wouldn't see this through.

“Fuck no!  No, no, no.  I'm saying the opposite.  I'm saying that, with you, I don't feel afraid anymore.  What just happened was incredible and exhilarating.  It was beautiful.  I never thought I could do that for another person.  And you're the only person I could even think of sharing that with again.”

“Can you hand me a towel?” She asked as she turned off the water.

Ben blinked.  “Oh, right.  Yeah.”  Ben reached into a cabinet by the sink, grabbed a towel, and handed it to her around the curtain.  Rey wrapped herself up and stepped out of the shower.  And Ben immediately hugged her tight and said, “That, and Rose threatened to kick my ass if I hurt you.”  Despite themselves, they both laughed.

“What happened to our food?” Rey asked.

“Oh shit.”


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ben has plans! He gets rewarded for those plans.

Ben called the restaurant and reordered their food while Rey got dressed.  Ben had opted not to put a shirt back on.  He almost dropped the phone when she walked out.  She hadn't put her bra back on after her shower.  It was in her hand with her pants.  And poor Ben tried not to notice her small nipples peeking through the tank top.

“I thought you could wash that too.  It's kinda sweaty.”

“Sure.”  He smiled and took the bundle from her.  “I asked them to rush the food.  So it shouldn't be too long.”

“Oh good.”

Ben went to the very back room of his house.  He grabbed his shirt out of the spare bathroom on the way which he had rinsed out before his shower.  He could hear his mother telling him as a teenager that if he insisted “on using whatever was closest to him to catch it, he may as well learn to clean it.  Always use cold water.”

He started the washer but, before he dumped the clothes in, a primal thought came to him.   _ What does she smell like?   _ He almost had the pants to his nose when he stopped himself.   _ I can _ not  _ go back out there pitching a tent like an animal. _   He threw the clothes in, threw some soap in, and smashed the lid down.   _ Temptation over. _   There was another t-shirt in the dryer and he quickly pulled it on.

When he emerged from the hallway, he asked, “Do you want to watch a movie?”   


“Sure.”  Rey had taken a seat on the couch.

Ben smiled.   _ So much for her running away screaming. Well, she did scream a bit.  Haha. _  He sat on the couch a foot or two away from her and grabbed the remote off the coffee table.  He pulled up Netflix and handed the remote to Rey.

“Anything you want,” was all he said.

Rey smiled back and starting thumbing through the listings.  She stopped at the live action remake of Beauty and the Beast.

“I haven't seen that one yet.  Is that ok?”

“Of course.”

Rey pressed play and she relaxed into the couch.  Ben resisted the urge to move closer.  His intuition telling him she needed space before she got close again.

About ten minutes in, there was a knock on the door and Ben got up to get the food.  He grabbed some forks on his way back to Rey.

“Thank god.  I was seriously thinking about raiding your fridge,” Rey said with a laugh.

Ben set the bag down on the coffee table and resumed his spot on the couch.  To his elation, Rey moved closer to him to retrieve a box of chicken fried rice and a fork.  Rey leaned back to watch the movie and eat and Ben followed.  When they were done, Ben changed the laundry over.  He sat back down and, ever feeling like the nervous 15 year old, slowly put his arm around her.  And to his great joy, she leaned into him.

They continued to watch the movie in silence.  Ben couldn't help but relate to the Beast.  The Beast, whose own trauma cursed him from getting close to anyone.  The Beast who slowly learned to reach out again when he finally found something worth reaching for.  The movie ended and Ben looked down and saw that Rey was asleep.   _ Yes, this is definitely worth the risk. _

He nudged her gently and she looked up at Ben.  “Do you want to stay here tonight?  J-Just sleeping.”

Rey gave him a sleepy smile and said, “I think I would like that.”  She got up and reached for his hand.  He took it and followed her to his own bedroom.  He quietly moved her things that were stil l scattered on the bed and climbed in.  Rey climbed in the other side.  After fumbling with limbs, they found a position that worked.  Her back was facing him.  One arm over her side.  The other under her neck.  Her arm rested on top of his around her waist.

They both had never felt so safe, with one leaning into the other.

* * *

 

It was still early morning when Rey was roused by Ben's hand stroking her stomach.  She turned to face him with another sleepy smile.

Ben spoke up. “I was thinking…”

“About what?”

“Um, well, I know you said the first time didn't need to be special but… well…”

Rey giggled slightly and said, “Go on.”

“My family owns a cabin on Lake Varykino.  It's supposedly where my grandparents fell in love.  I thought we could go up there during Spring Break next month.”

Rey almost wanted to turn back around to cover her shock.  She was slack-jawed at the mere mention of Lake Varykino.  She had been exactly one time in her life with a foster family who camped out near a swimming hole for a day.  Nothing since in Rey's life has compared to its beauty.

Ben worried his lip at her hesitation.  “You don't have to decide-”

“Yes,” Rey said adamantly.  She put a hand on his cheek.  “I almost want to have you now just for the thought.”

“Rey…” Ben growled.  “Be careful what you wish for.”

“Until then…”  With that, Rey grabbed his free arm and guided his hand to the hem of her tank top which had ridden up a couple inches.  The skin-to-skin contact made Rey's breath hitch.  She guided his hand to explore further.  And then she brought him down to kiss her.  His hand was frozen at first but he gathered up the courage to explore.  His hand traveled up her side until his thumb brushed the underside of her breast.  Rey pulled a hand from his neck to encourage him on.  He was soon moving his hand in time with their tongues.  Kneading, squeezing, pulling.  Just barely pinching a nipple here and there.  Ben scooted several inches down the bed to trail kisses down her jugular and collar bone.  He took pride in the fact that she was shuddering and gasping beneath him.  She had both hands in his hair causing him to tremble as well. 

“I… I want…”  Rey breathed out.

Ben pulled back to look in her eyes.  He saw a neediness that hadn't been there before.  “What do you want?  Tell me.”

“I, hmm, want your… fingers… inside me.”

“Are you sure?”

“I got off to the idea… when I got home Friday night.”  Rey said with a wide grin.

“I don't… I mean, I've never…”

Rey put a hand over his and said, “Ben. I'll help you.”  In truth, she had never been able to get herself off that way but his touch was always electric so she wanted to try.

He kissed her and said, “Anything you want, sweetheart.”

Ben lowered his hand to the hem of her shorts and slowly pushed underneath.  His hand was now trembling but he was determined.  He soon found a patch of hair.  He looked at her again as if to say  _ Are you sure? _   And Rey nodded with those needy, hungry eyes.  Another inch or two, and his fingers found moisture.   _ Oh god, she's dripping.  And it's for me! _   Rey's eyes kept urging him on.  He dipped his finger in at the apex.  Rey's hips jolted.

_ Oh right, the clitoris.   _ Ben circled the bundle with two fingers.  It became stiff under his ministrations.  Rey dug the side of her head into the pillow and Ben took the opportunity to lick and graze her neck.  Rey was slowly coming apart.

“Fingers… just one.”

Ben playfully grazed her neck with his teeth.  He extended his index finger to explore further.   _ Fuck!  She's even wetter now. _   He kept the pad of his thumb on her clit as his index finger sunk in.  They both groaned in unison.  Ben, because she was warm and silky slick and was gripping his finger.  Rey, because even the one finger made her feel full.   _ Fuck! How am I going to handle his dick? _

“Stroke… towards the front,” Rey hissed, knowing her basic anatomy.

Ben did as he was told.  He crooked his index finger and made several passes.  He was quickly getting discouraged when her hips suddenly lurched.  Ben found that spot again and stroked.

Rey let out an “Oh god!” and covered her face in shock.   _ I thought people only said that in porn?! _

“Rey.  Don't be embarrassed.  Let me see you as you come apart.”

Rey nodded and slowly lowered her hands.  Ben continued to stroke her inner walls.  Rey was effectively riding his hand.  She had a death grip on his arm, urging him on and giving her leverage to move.  Ben was seeing stars as she got closer and closer.  He could feel her spasming around his one finger.  Ben couldn't help but wonder what it would feel like around his cock.

Rey cried out his name as she came around his finger.  She let go of his arm to bring his lips to hers.  Ben slowly pulled his finger out and trailed his hand up her stomach.  Ben rested his head on the crook of her neck.

With a trembling voice, Rey asked, “What about you?”

“Huh?  Oh, right, uhh…”  Ben looked down and saw the wet spot forming on his sweats.   _ Oh _

“I, uh, it's taken care of.”

Rey laughed and said, “That's another first.”

“A guy coming in his pants?”  Ben asked with an embarrassed smile.

“No.  Well, yes, but beside that, internal stimulation has never worked for me.  I like the feeling but I never get off to it.  I wonder if I just can't get the right angle or the right amount of pressure.  You realize we're going to have to work up to  _ that _ , right?” Rey stated as she gestured to Ben's groin.

Ben went pale.  However, there was a 15 year old, pimple-faced boy with big ears, who smelled of Axe and Febreeze jumping up and down in his brain.  “Y-you think so?”

“Ben.  I could barely get my hand around you yesterday.  I'm not one to stroke a guy's ego but you're... proportional.”

Ben choked on his own saliva.  He tried to search for words but his brain was stalled.

“I guess we'll just have to keep meeting like this,” Rey said wistfully.

Despite his excitement at seeing more of her, Ben frowned.

“What?” Rey asked.

“It occurs to me that you'll have to go home soon.  I'm not ready to let you go.”

“You're too sweet.  It's still early.  Let's just stay in bed a little longer.”

“Agreed.  But, uh, let me change my pants real quick.”  Ben kissed her temple and hurried off.  He was rinsed off, changed, and back in bed in under a minute.  Rey had already fallen back asleep and was lightly snoring.  He gently reached around and pulled her to him.  And he was soon asleep as well.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey hangs out with Finn and Rose after her night with Ben.

10am rolled around and they were awakened by Rey's phone ringing.  Rey struggled to get free of Ben's arms. When she did, he groaned his dissatisfaction.

“Shhh!  It's Rose.  She doesn't know I'm here.”

“Noted,” Ben said with a grunt.  He then turned over like a petulant child.

_ How can someone be this gorgeous and this grumpy at the same time???   _ Rey took a deep breath and answered the phone.

“Hey, Rose.”

“Hey, Finn wants us all to hang out before he goes back to school tonight.  He really wants Gusano's for lunch. Can you meet us there at noon?”

“Yeah.  That sounds great.”

“Awesome!  See ya then!”

“See ya!”

Rey hung up the phone and sighed.  Other than Friday night, she hadn't seen Finn since New Year's.  She hated that life was pulling them in different directions. But at least Rose was there to keep her filled in.  And Rose herself was just a great friend overall. Rey had been worried she would be jealous but that had never been an issue.  Rey thinks that maybe she reminds Rose of the sister she lost in 8th grade. But the “why” doesn't matter now. Rey, Rose, and Finn were her little family.

Rey looked back at Ben.   _ How will he fit into this?  Do I tell them about Ben? Ugh, no!  I don't know! Finn can be a little overprotective at times.  But then again, he knows his boundaries. But then, I've crossed mine so what's to stop him from crossing his?  Ugh! _

“Ben.  I have to go soon.  Rose and Finn want to have lunch and hang out.”

Ben frowned like a toddler being denied a cookie but eventually sat up and gave Rey a lazy smile.  “You know, I thought this weekend was going to be terrible.”

“Why?”  Rey asked as she came around to sit on his side of the bed.

“I don't really like parties.  I had been dreading it the whole week.  Even around all those people, I just feel alone.”

“You're not alone.”  With that, Rey took his hand in hers.

“Neither are you.”

They regarded each other for awhile.  Questions and thoughts and fantasies roiled in each of their minds.  Ben spoke again. “I don't know what this is between us. I know we shouldn't be seeing each other like this.  I could lose my job. You could be expelled. But, goddammit, I don't want to waste any time. For the first time since I was a teenager, I want to take a risk.  Fuck the rules!”

Tears erupted from both of Rey's eyes.  Ben scooted closer so he could reach out and wipe them away.  “I'm sorry. I probably said too much. I've always been lonely.  But the last year has been… unbearable.”

“What happened?” Rey asked.  Her free hand brushed his loose hair back.

“My- my fath-"  Ben's chest started to swell.  When it had happened, he had been all business.  He arranged a double funeral, bought three burial plots because he wasn't sure his mother was going to make it.  He then made sure his mother was cared for. The funerals attracted a good number of people. His father's colleagues at Millennium Freight came as well as some of his uncle's Peace Corps friends.  Some of his mother's friends attended. The only person he actually knew at the funeral was Dr. Dameron, the chair of his department. Dr. Dameron didn't say anything to him that day except to leave a sympathy card and an email a month later saying he was eligible to take a sabbatical.

At the end of the day, he was alone.  His sabbatical was a blur. He ate and slept and worked out.  Sometimes he worked out to the point of near collapsing. He tried to visit his mother a couple times a week but sometimes went a week or more without seeing her.  At the end, there was no one to look after him. Ben always stamped that thought out. It seemed selfish. Despite the enormous loss, he was still privileged. And so he went on with his days.

But sitting here with Rey, he realized he never really grieved.  The entire time, he never shed a tear. He had done what needed to be done.  By the time it was all said and done, he had enough space to accept what happened and move on.  At least, in a way that was passable to the outside world.

Ben took a deep breath and rubbed the budding tears out of his eyes.  “Wow. I guessed I never really talked about it with anyone. I never said the words out loud.”

Rey gathered him up in a hug and stroked his hair.  She whispered in his ear, “You don't have to talk about it right now.”

“Yeah, I- I don't want to keep you from your friends.”

“That's not-

“I know.  I know.”

Rey kissed the corner of his mouth and held on to him for a while longer.  Soon, she announced her need to shower.

While she was showering, he gathered up her things.  He reorganized the packet and stuffed it back in the envelope.  He grabbed her backpack from the dining room and put her laptop in with her charger, the packet, and the various incidentals.

When she came out, she saw him sitting up in his bed with her backpack and hoodie in his lap.  Her car keys had been set next to her phone on the nightstand opposite him which she grabbed.

“Thank you.”

“No problem.”

“I better get going.”

“Yeah, uh, let me walk you out.”  He got up and handed her her things.  Then he placed a hand on the small of her back and guided her to the front door.

“So I'll see you tomorrow morning?”  He asked.

“Huh?  Oh right, class.  Definitely. It's going to be hard to act natural.”

“But we must.”

“I know.”

Rey pulled him down for one last kiss.  And Ben was all too happy to be pulled in.  They were once again interrupted by Rey's phone.  Rey noted that she never once heard Ben's phone the entire time.   _ Is he really that isolated?  Not even a Facebook notification?  Or maybe he had it on silent. But I don’t think he ever even checked it? _

Rey pulled out her phone and saw a text from Finn.   _ Chandrila Deli at noon.  Gusano's is packed and not letting up anytime soon. _

_ Ok. _

Rey took a deep breath and said, “See ya tomorrow.”  She walked out the door before she lost her nerve.

___________________________________________________

Rey pulled up to Chandrila Deli and walked in.  The world outside Ben’s home now felt strange. His home had felt like a cocoon.  It was just them. There was no professor/student line even though they attempted to keep it there.  That line fell away like cobwebs. In his home, it was just two lonely people who recognized what the other was going through.  She had never felt more safe than when he was wrapped around her. Just being able to lean into him during the night had been more erotic than anything else she had experienced with him or anyone.  When she woke to him stroking her stomach, she was sure that if he had asked, they would have had sex right then and there. She almost asked him before he brought up Lake Varykino. Despite him not wanting to waste time, he seemed absolutely content to just be with her, with no expectations.  It was a stark contrast to her past experience.

It didn’t take long to find Rose and Finn sitting at a corner table.  Finn had his arm around Rose and they were reading the menu together. Normally, she would have snickered to herself about how cheesy they always were around each other.  But now it just sent a spark of longing through her chest.

“Hey,” Rey said quietly.

Before she could sit down, Finn got up and said, “Hey, come here, I haven’t hugged you today.”

She laughed and said, “Of course,” and accepted his hug.

They sat back down and Rose handed Rey the menu.  Everyone was quiet until they ordered and then Finn spoke up again, “So Rey.  How was your weekend?”

Something in his tone raised a red flag for Rey.  “What do you mean?”

“ _ Finn _ .  We  _ talked _ about this.”  Rose shot Finn a glare that would melt a hardened serial killer.

“I just want to know.”  Finn replied.

“She’s a grown woman, Finn.”  Rose warned.

Rey was now thoroughly confused.  “Ok, what is going on?”

Now Rose looked guilty.  “Well,  _ maybe _ , we tried to find you earlier to just pick you up.  We went by your apartment and didn’t see your car. And then we went by the shop and you weren’t there either.  And, well…” And Rose quickly glanced at Finn.

_ Oh shit. _  “Oh, um, yeah, I was-”

“We know where you were Rey,” Finn interjected.  “Rose jokingly suggested driving by your professor’s house.  We were bored so we did. I wouldn’t blame you if you made up something but, just so you know, we know where you were.”

“Oh, um, ok.  I was just getting homework help.”

“ _ Right… _ ” Finn retorted.

“It’s really none of our business, Finn,” Rose replied sweetly.

“I don’t like it.  Can I just say my piece and I promise I’ll drop it forever?”

Even though Rey was getting angrier by the second, she nodded.

“Ok.  You know I was rescued from a cult.  Over the years, I did my research. I wanted to know why my bio-parents would let the cult leaders abuse me the way they did.  I wanted to know why anyone would let that happen to a child. One of the main things I learned about was power dynamics. This professor is in a position of authority over you.  For some people, a little authority is all it takes to get their hooks in someone.”

“It’s not like that.  He’s just… lonely. And we have a lot in common.”

“So there  _ is _ something going on?” Finn asked.

Rey sighed and confirmed, “Yes, Finn.”

“Can you promise me one thing, Rey?  And I’ll drop it forever?” Finn asked.

“What is it?”

“If you need help, if you get in too deep, don’t hesitate to call us or find us.  I don’t care what you’ve done or what he’s done. I don’t care what you’ve told people or what he’s told people.  I don’t care where you’re at or where he’s at. If you need any help handling him, we’re here. It’s unconditional.”

Rey supposed she should be angry at what Finn was implying about Ben.  But Finn usually kept his promises. And if he promised to not bother her about it, then he likely would.  And if he promised an unconditional bailout, then he would likely follow through.

Rey took a deep breath and said, “Ok.  I can promise that. You’ve also got to promise that you won’t breathe a word to anyone.  Not even at your school, Finn. I could lose my scholarship or be expelled.”

“Of course.”

Their food arrived and conversation returned to normal.  Finn talked about his junior year exhibit that he would be putting up at the beginning of May.  He thought he had a shot at some of the top student awards and Rey and Rose had no reason to doubt him.  Rose lamented choosing to take a quantum physics class this semester. It was an elective for her major. But Rose found a lot of it hard to visualize.  She was used to working with actual physical materials. She was used to getting her hands dirty.

When they left, they decided to drive out in the country for a little while.  Even though it was the midwest, the surrounding countryside could actually be quite scenic.  This also allowed Rose and Rey to talk via text and out of Finn's earshot. It was a funny little dynamic they worked out.  Finn didn't necessarily need to know the gritty details that girls would share but he was also close by if they wanted his opinion.

_ So, how long were you at Dr. Solo's house?  I want to know everything. :) _

_ I actually spent the night with him.  And I  _ did _ get homework help.  At least, at the beginning. _

_ No shit?  Did you lose the v-card? _

_ No… but I got off three times to his two. _

_ OMG.  That's a first right?  You say you always kind of freeze up when someone tries. _

_ I know!  But with him, it was so effortless.  We were making out and I guess I was rubbing against him and it just happened.  After that, it was more deliberate. Lol. _

_ I gotta say that I'm jealous.  Finn and I really had to work at it.  It didn't help that we kinda had to sneak around. _

This was true.  Rose lives in the apartment above the shop her family owns.  Her parents and cousins were always milling about. They didn't outright disapprove of Finn but they could be a bit old fashioned.  They would have rather had Rose wait and possibly pick someone in her field. But it was apparent that Finn wasn't going away so they warmed up to him.

_ I have to sneak around too. _

_ Yeah, but he's got his own place and it sounds like his family leaves him alone. _

_ I don't think he has any family. _

_ Damn, that's sad. _

_ I know. _

_ When are you going to see him again? _

_ I don't know.  He said he wanted to take me to Lake Varykino during Spring Break.  He still has his v-card too. He wants to make it special. _

“Wait, hold up.  Dr. Solo is still a virgin?”

Finn swerved the wheel as he turned to look at Rose.  He swerved onto the shoulder but quickly corrected himself.

“Finn!  See, Rey?  This is why I usually drive!”

Rey laughed and Finn dipped his head down in embarrassment but his eyes were still firmly on the road.

“I assume he told you this?” Finn asked.

“Well, obviously.  He said he only ever kissed a girl before.  Well, until I came along.”

“Oh lord, that's already too much info.  I don't like it. Either it's a line or he's messed up.”

“Watch yourself, Finn,” Rey warned.  “Maybe he _ is _ messed up.  We've all got problems.  But maybe he's just not in a hurry.  He wants to take me to Lake Varykino during Spring Break.”

Finn looked upward, “Am I being tested today?”  His grip on the steering wheel tightened. “Ugh…  That's a two hour drive. It would be a good way to isolate you.”

“Finn!” the girls cried in unison.

“If you go, will you give Rose an address?  And check in three times a day.”

“Once a day,” Rey replied.

“Twice?” Finn said meekly.

“Once a day.”  Both Rey and Rose glared at Finn.

“Ok then,” Rose began, “now that that's settled, let's enjoy the drive.”

And, thankfully, the rest of the day was pretty normal.  They drove around for another hour before heading back to town.  They dropped Rey off at her car and she followed them to Rose's place and watched terrible movies on Netflix.  Finn eventually had to leave to make the drive back to school and Rey decided to leave too.

Once at home, she felt that strange sensation that she was in a completely different place.  It didn’t feel like  _ home _ .  It was dark when she walked in.  The lights weren’t as bright as Ben’s.  The couch was too soft but the bed was too firm.  The TV was smaller than his. Late into the night, Rey realized what the sensation was.  It wasn’t that the whole world had changed overnight. It was  _ her _ that had changed.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TRIGGER WARNING - Ben talks about his time at First Order. Snoke is an actual child predator who went to prison for his crimes. NO lurid details but it could be troubling to read.

Ben busied himself the rest of his Sunday by grading tests.  He started with Calculus II.  That would be the easiest.  His class was 20 students and he had them graded in 3 hours.  He ate a small lunch and then moved on to Number Theory.  It was a senior level class and he only had 5 students.  It still took him 3 hours to grade their tests.  Then he was left with Abstract Algebra.  He had 10 students in that class.  This would be a long haul but he dove in anyway.

With the way he graded tests, he wasn’t concerned about favoring Rey.  He graded everyone’s first page in one pass, then the second, then the third, etc…  So, other than the first pass, he had no idea whose test he was grading.  And he never paid much attention to handwriting.  He was confident that he didn’t favor any test over the other.  And he was pleased to see that Rey had scored a 96%.  When he thumbed through her test, he saw that she had made a logical jump without the intervening step.   _ She’ll learn.  She’s brilliant. _

It was now midnight and Ben knew he was going to regret staying up that late.  In true bachelor fashion, he didn’t even change clothes before going to bed.  He was still in the sweats and t-shirt that he had woken up in.  He sat up in his bed and stared at the whiteboard.  He had never erased it from the day before.  And now, the markings sent pangs through his chest.  He had used grading as an excuse to avoid processing all that happened with Rey.  He too, felt like the world had changed when she left.  He had always felt small in the big house.  Now that Rey had come and gone, it may as well be a mansion with a maze of rooms.

After having a lifetime of trouble connecting with others in even the most basic ways and the trauma of First Order, he never imagined crossing a line like he did with Rey.  But she seemed so very worth it.  Ben smiled, picked up his phone, and took a picture of the board.  He wanted the reminder of her presence in his house, and in his bed.  He realized that he was sitting where she had been so the picture would show her perspective.  It would have to be erased soon or it would stain the board but not tonight.

Just as he was lying down, he phone dinged.  It was an email.

_ From:  _ [ _ armihux@chandrila.edu _ ](mailto:armihux@chandrila.edu)

_ To:  _ [ _ bensolo@chandrila.edu _ ](mailto:bensolo@chandrila.edu)

_ Subject: Have you seen this? _

Inside the email was a link to a news story.

**_Lazarus Snoke, Child Predator, Escapes From Prison_ **

_ Lazarus Snoke, 83, has escaped from Mustafar Maximum Security Prison.  Details are scant but authorities are warning the public that he is armed and dangerous.  If you encounter this person, call 911 immediately. _

_ Lazarus Snoke was convicted of five counts of child molestation and one count of rape in 2005 and was sentenced to life with no possibility of parole.  These crimes were committed during his tenure as Dean of First Order Academy, a school for prodigious children.  The school officially closed down a year after Snoke's arrest. _

Ben felt as if all the air had been sucked out of the room.  It had been nearly 14 years since Ben had put him in prison.  Snoke was supposed to be in protective custody in a maximum security prison.  The five counts of child molestation and one rape charge was just what the state could pin down on him.  However, Snoke had been preying on children for 30 years or more.  Ben, as a teenager, had been the one to gather evidence to open the case and convict him.

Ben saw the top edge of a wanted poster and had to look away.  Just the thought of seeing that monster's face made him nauseous.  But Ben was always curious to a fault.  So, after a deep breath, he scrolled down and Ben immediately had to run to the toilet.

_ The bastard doesn't even look human anymore!!!  H _ _ ow is he even still alive?!!! _

Snoke was now bald where he once had curly blond hair.  His eyes were sunken in and black where they were once bright blue.  He now had a scar above his left eye that ran deep.  He had deep wrinkles in his sallow, mottled skin.  The phrase “death warmed over" was an insult to death compared to Snoke.

When his stomach had settled, Ben came back to his phone to reply.

Ben:  _ What the fuck?!  No, I haven’t seen that.  Have you heard anything else? _

H ux:  _ That is as much as I know.  Keep your doors locked and guns loaded.  But then, maybe he’s just wandered off to die.  Did you see his picture?  There’s no way he makes it more than a week on his own.  Mustafar is three states away for Christ’s sake. _

Ben:  _ I don’t know.  He was a psychopath and he probably still knows people.  He probably still has his hooks in some of our FO alumni. _

Hux: _ Ok, well, just wanted to make you aware. _

Any hope he had of getting any sleep was dashed like a glass house in a tornado.  He had to roll his eyes at Hux though.  Hux knew that Ben didn't keep any weapons in his house.  Hux was always trying to show off.  And he always failed.  Well, except when Ben “forfeited" their sparring match.  Ben supposed that it was some sort of coping mechanism.  Hux had been one of Snoke's victims a couple years before the fallout.  Afterward, Hux had to be hospitalized.  He failed a semester and lost his scholarship at the top tier school Snoke had got him into.  Hux had to transfer to a state school.  He still managed to get a doctorate in Physics.  The same year, Hux's father committed suicide.  And through some coincidence, Hux ended up teaching at the same school as Ben.

Midnight turned into 4am.  And five or six  _ Star Trek _ episodes later, he was still wired.  Every shadow that passed the window made him jump.  His skin was crawling and trembling.  Ben's mind went down several possible futures.  The one where Hux was right and Snoke freezes to death on the streets.  Or he's recaptured in a couple days.  Or maybe he's murdered.  But Ben obviously fixated on darker futures.  Ben conjured pictures of walking into his home and finding Snoke sitting on his couch.  Sometimes he has a knife.  Sometimes he has a gun.  Sometimes Snoke doesn't attack right away.  Sometimes he does.  Other visions have Snoke sneaking into his bedroom and snuffing him out in his sleep.

Ben couldn't help but think that Snoke wouldn't have attempted an escape without a plan and without a mission.  And why not come after the boy, now man, that exposed you?  Especially at 83.  He has nothing to lose.  Ben would have to get a security system.  And a thousand other things.

B en left Netflix running and opened another tab.  He pulled up his school email.  First, he shot off an email to Dr. Dameron which amounted to “I'm sick.”  Dameron and Ben never exchanged more than a couple sentences or two.  Dameron’s parents were friends with Ben’s parents.  But their association never went beyond neutral, erring on the side of hostile, colleagues.  Ben pulled up his Calc II class email list and Abstract email list and sent an email apologizing for canceling his Monday classes.  Ben then went back to Netflix for awhile as well as pulled up a paper on a possible new research topic.  He also had a book review whose deadline was looming.  He had to wait until 8am to call for quotes on a security system.

He scribbled notes in a notebook with Star Trek running in the background until 8am.  Then he googled security companies in the area.  There were three main competitors.  The cheapest would set him back $1500 seeing as he wanted window sensors and a camera in front and back.  Ben decided to go with the midrange competitor at roughly $2000.  He pinched the bridge of his nose, took a deep breath, and called to make the appointment.  He agreed to pay a rush fee to get someone out today.  After it was all said and done, he handed over nearly $2500.

He looked back up at his whiteboard.   _ I should talk to her.  Wait, no, I don't want to scare her.  Goddammit, I knew this weekend was too good to be true.  The universe had to balance it out somehow.  Remind me of where I came from. _

 

* * *

Meanwhile, Rey stared at her phone in shock.   _ Cancelled???  He was fine yesterday!  Damn, I should have got his number.  Does he know mine?  Surely he can find out from my records?  Maybe not? _

Rey had woken up at her usual time and like any young adult, she checked her phone first thing.  Aside from bullshit facebook notifications, there was an email from Dr. Solo.   _ Class Cancelled _ .  Rey’s stomach dropped.  Ordinarily, not distressed by a canceled class but things had certainly changed over the weekend.  Rey still wasn’t sure what she was to Ben.  Were they together?  Was this a no-strings, lose-the-v-card, thing?  Did he like her?  Or just her body?  Did he love her?   _ Wait, do I love him?   No.  No!  That’s just the daddy issues talking. _  One thing Rey would  _ not _ do is get her hopes up, that this was something real.  What she did do was send an email.

_ To:  _ [ _ bensolo@chandrila.edu _ ](mailto:bensolo@chandrila.edu)

_ From:  _ [ _ rjakken@stud.chandrila.edu _ ](mailto:rjakken@stud.chandrila.edu)

_ Can you call me about this homework you gave me?  620-555-6684 _

And then she waited.  And waited.  Soon, it was time for her History class.  She muddled through and then went to her biology lab.  Still nothing from him.  She then half-assed weight-lifting.  Her instructor wasn’t happy but Rey resolved to do better next time.  Lastly, she had to go do some things at the shop.  Rose’s dad had a project car, a Ford Falcon.  He paid Rey to make repairs and adjustments that he outlined but didn’t have time to do himself.  Rey’s only schedule was to put in five hours, three times a week for $150 cash.  With her scholarship and financial aid refund, she could pay up four months of rent and then pay the other months from her shop wages.  The rest paid for her phone, gas, insurance, and groceries.

By the time she got home, it was almost 9pm.  Still nothing from Ben.  Rey paced her apartment.  Rey kept telling herself to give him space.  Rey knew that she got attached easily and she had to intentionally practice giving people space.  But then she had never been closer to anyone than she had with Ben.  She had never shared a bed or cuddled with anyone.  Not even Finn.  They would have been punished for it in foster care, not that it came up.  And then Finn met Rose so it was definitely out of the picture then.  Having Ben wrapped around her during the night had been so soothing.  She had never felt so  _ safe _ .  And now Rey craved that feeling.

* * *

Ben went around the house making sure it was picked up.  He saw the email from Rey and put it on the back burner.  He felt he needed to make sure his home was safe before anything could happen.  He would never forgive himself if something happened to her.  The tech arrived around 9am and went to work.  With the extras that Ben ordered, the tech didn’t finish the job until after 2pm.  By that time, Ben was exhausted.  He had been nearly 30 hours without sleep and he wasn’t a grad student anymore.  So when the tech left, Ben locked up, armed the system, showered, and went to bed.

He woke up at 4am with his head full of fog.  He stumbled to the kitchen and made some eggs.  His brain wasn’t clear enough for bacon just yet.  He turned the coffee pot on and breathed in the aroma.  He sat down with his plate, his cup, and his phone.  As usual, nothing had come in during the day or night.  He opened up his email to be sure he didn’t miss anything and he saw Rey’s from the day before and he groaned inwardly.   _ Fuck my life! _    He quickly sent a text to the number she gave him.   _ This is Ben.  I’m so sorry.  I had a crazy day yesterday. _

Ben busied himself until it was time for school.  Calc II at 10am and Number Theory at 1pm.  He usually stayed until 4pm.  Ben showed up at 9am and went over his notes for Calc II.  On his way to class, he saw her walking into Dr. Dabrovski’s class.  She didn’t see him.  It took his feet a few seconds to remember how to move again.  In class, he handed back their tests.  Normally, he would have gone over it but he needed to make up a day.  He assured them they were welcome to come to his office with questions.  Then he started in on a new chapter.

Back in his office, he stared at his phone.  Now it was his turn to wait.  He filled the next two hours with an internal debate.  Text her.  Don’t text her.  Go find her.   _ I’m almost 30.  Shouldn’t I know how to communicate with women by now?   Jesus Fucking Christ. _  With that, he put his head on his desk and groaned.

Number Theory consisted of disinterested seniors who were beyond ready to graduate.  Ben powered through.  Afterward, still no tex t back.   _ I'm sorry.  Please say something?  Maybe stay with me tonight? _

He stared at his phone.  A knock at the door nearly sent him out of his skin.   _ Rey? _    “Come in.”

It was one of his Calc II students.   _ Oh.   _ He hoped his disappointment wasn't _ too _ evident on his face.  She thought he graded one of the questions wrong.  He worked through it with her, showed her where her mistake was.  Fortunately, she was polite about it.  She asked a couple more questions and Ben answered them thoroughly.  By the time she left, it was 3pm.

Rey finally replied.   _ I'll come over but I don't think I'll stay. _

_ That's fine.  Anytime after 4:30. _

_ K _

* * *

Rey barely slept that Sunday or Monday night.  Her bed felt all wrong.  It was a full size bed to Ben's king size bed.  Her mattress was firmer than his.  Her sheets were basic Wal-Mart issue.  Everything about his bed was soft and warm.  He was the only firm thing about that bed.  Her bed just felt cold.  And it felt huge despite being smaller than Ben's.

Monday night was worse than Sunday night.  Ben never responded to her email.  And a thousand thoughts chased her as she tried to sleep.  She was dozing in and out until 2am.  Her 8:30 alarm made her groan with her whole body.  W hen her 9am alarm went off, she very nearly threw it across the room.  That is, until she saw the text from a new number.  She had been too bleary-eyed to notice it before.  She started at it and thought,  _ What the fuck?  How crazy could it have been?  Asshole.  Well, he can just wait.  I'm going to be late. _   She got up and showered.  Then she grabbed a granola bar and ran out the door.

DiffEq and Biology were as boring as ever.  Not surprisingly, she aced both tests.  Diff Eq started a chapter on dampening models.  Rey thought it belonged in an engineering class but then half the class were engineering majors of some sort.  Biology started a unit on genetics which sounded promising.  Biology was over at 3pm.  Walking out of class, she saw that she had another text from Ben.  Rey couldn't help but imagine him with a puppy dog expression on his face.  The red, fiery part of Rey's brain had wanted to jump right in and say “Yes!”  But the cold, blue side of her brain told her not to make any promises.  Rey compromised by saying she would come over but probably not stay.

She had enough time to go home and take care of things first.  Once there, she ate a sandwich, took a shower, brushed her teeth.  Finally, after some internal debate, she packed some pajamas and a change of clothes into her backpack.  And threw in her toothbrush for good measure.  Her packet was still in there as well.

And once again, she found herself hesitating in his driveway.   _ This is so wrong.  But I think he's ruined sleep for me!  Asshole. _   With that, she made her way to his front door and knocked.

And knocked.

And knocked a third time.

Rey started to seeth.  She got out her phone and called him.

The call connected and Rey heard some fumbling and a curse word or two.  Then, finally, “Fuck!  Don't leave!  I'm coming to the door!”  Rey rolled her eyes and hung up without saying a word.

Rey heard some more fumbling and finally the door swung open.  With a big grin, Ben said “Hi.”

“You.”

Ben faltered.  “Rey.  I'm sorry.”

“What the hell is going on?!”

“Can we please talk inside?”

“Ugh, fine.”  She did pack a bag after all.

She walked in and set her bag on the table, already feeling like it was her table.  She turned around to look at him and was struck by his appearance.

Rey looked him up and down and said, “You look terrible.  Were you asleep in your clothes?”

“Well, thanks for noticing.  It's all for you, sweetheart,” Ben said with a smirk.

“ _ Benjamin I-don't-know-your-middle-name Solo. _ ”

He raised his hands in surrender.  “I know it's not the time for it but my name is just Ben.  Literally, just B-E-N on my birth certificate.  Ben Zadok Solo.”

Rey let out a frustrated scream.

“You can call me an ignorant asshole if you want.”  Ben looked down and away and rubbed his neck.  He looked back up and saw the barest hint of a smile on her face.

“It does have a certain flow to it,” Rey mused as she moved closer to Ben.

Ben gathered her in a hug and whispered, “I really am sorry.  I can explain.”

“You know, I had thought that maybe you had changed your mind about me and couldn't face me.”

“No.   _ No _ .  Look at me,” and Ben pulled back to look her in the eye.  “I had the best weekend of my life.  Nothing’s changed about that.”  Rey’s eyes were glistening with the beginnings of tears.  And Ben’s heart started hammering.  He brought his hands up to the sides of her neck and his head dipped down to kiss her.  Rey felt like everything in the world clicked into place when their lips touched.  Despite her anger and anxiety, she wilted.  To catch herself, she held on to him tighter.  She then parted her lips to receive him. 

It was all the invitation he needed.  He tasted her.  Sweet but also slightly bitter.  It conjured images of wrenches and drills and shiny hubcaps in his mind which made Ben smile against her mouth.  Ben's hands started roaming and he soon found the hem of Rey's t-shirt.  His fingers dipped underneath and splayed across the small of her back.  And Rey made a particularly thrilled gasp.  Both hands, splayed out, spanned the width of her back.  Ben kissed along her jawline and gently sucked on her pulse point.  Rey bit her lip to hold herself together.

He started to move away from that point but Rey pulled him away.  She grabbed his hand and dragged him to the bedroom.  Ben was all too happy to be led.  Rey stopped in her tracks when she saw the whiteboard.  “You haven't erased it yet.  Won't it stain the board?”

Ben came up behind her, pulled her to him and whispered in her ear.  “I couldn't.  I even took a picture of it.  But I still couldn't erase it.”

Tears were starting to form again in Rey's eyes.  “Ben…” was all she could say.  She turned around in his arms and kissed him again.  She let her fingers dart through his hair which caused a low rumble in Ben's throat.  His grip on her tightened and he whipped her around.  He gently nudged her backwards until her legs hit the bed.  Before she could fall backwards, Rey pushed Ben back just enough to get her arms between them.  She reached down for the hem of her t-shirt and pulled it up and off of her.  Underneath was a simple, white, Wal-Mart issue bra.  Ben's throat went dry.  Blood had been steadily trickling south but now it was a torrent.  Ben felt a little bit dizzy at the sight before him.

“Your turn, Ben.”

“Oh, right.”  And Ben went to unbutton his shirt with trembling hands.  As he was working the buttons, Rey climbed on to the bed.  She kicked off her sneakers and crawled to the head of the bed.  Ben took special care to notice the sway of her hips as she moved.  She laid down on her back and motioned for him to follow her.  Ben finally got the last button undone and tossed his shirt aside and made quick work of his undershirt.  He then crawled onto the bed to meet her but stopped short.  With a gleeful glint in his eye, he bent down and kissed her stomach just above the waistband of her yoga pants.  His right hand roving from her clothed hip up her naked abdomen, to the band of her bra.  He kissed and lapped at her belly which rippled under his touch.

Rey was coming unglued.  Her hands tangled themselves in his hair.  Her core was aching, clenching and unclenching.  His touch at once exhilarating and agonizing.  Soon, even the bra was too much.  Her hands left his hair so she could sit up just enough to reach around to unclasp her bra.

Ben looked up at her in awe.  Time seemed to slow down as the bra came off.  Of course, he had touched them already but Rey had kept herself covered.  Now he could see what he was playing with.  And now he could use his mouth on those taut nipples.  Rey laid back down and put her arms behind her head.  Ben moved so that he was completely on top of her.  He gazed into her eyes as he gently palmed a breast.

“Your hands are magical,” Rey said with an ecstatic grin.

“Oh really?”  Ben gave her a grin in return.  With that, he lightly ran his nails across an areola which caused Rey's breath to hitch and her gaze to darken.  Ben kissed her and they both groaned as their chests made contact.  The heat between them was dizzying.

“Let's flip over,” Ben suggested.  Rey nodded.

Ben flipped onto his back and Rey straddled him.  He reached for her ass and scooted her up his body just enough so that his mouth could reach her breasts.  And Rey bent down so he could reach.  Ben kept his hands on her ass as he worked each nipple in turn with his lips, teeth, and tongue.  Rey's hips immediately began to buck and roll.  His hard body and her pants creating just the right amount of friction on her clit.

“Ben… I want you.  Now.”  And Rey started to move backward to feel the outline of his erection against her.  Ben saw stars as she started to roll her clothed slit over him.

"Oh god, Rey.  It's not Spring Break yet.”

“Huh?”  Now it was Rey's turn to look like a kicked puppy.

“Lake Varykino.  My cabin.”

Rey huffed.  “I don't care.  I'm literally aching for it.”  And she rolled her hips again and let out a moan.  Ben's grip on her ass tightened.  He was aching for it as well.  The last shreds of his rationality were holding on for dear life.  Everything else wanted him to rip her pants off and plow into her.  To fully sheath himself and thrust mercilessly.  But he knew that he would hurt her and he wanted to make it perfect.

“I'm aching for you too, sweetheart.  But it's not time yet.  Lay down.”  And Rey complied.  Ben rolled to his side and lovingly gazed at her exposed skin.  “Let me take care of you,” Ben whispered.  He palmed one breast and kissed the other.  His fingernails grazed her belly and stopped at the waistband.  With a moment's hesitation, he dipped his fingers underneath.

“I want to spoil you.”  His fingers found her rough pubic hair.  Rey hated shaving that area as it was too sensitive.  She was beyond glad that Ben didn't seem to care.

His index finger found her clit and made small circles.  “I'm going to buy all new bedding.  The softest sheets.”

“Nnnngg, yeah?”

“There will be candles and flowers and music.”

Rey's breathing was frantic now.  S oooo close but Ben was going so very slow.

“I want to spoil you.  Buy you things.  Beautiful dresses and funny t-shirts.  Jewelry and video games.  Whatever you want.”

“Ben… please…”

And Ben stretched out his finger just like he did on Sunday morning.  “God, you're soaked.”  He probed deep and buried his face in her neck to once again kiss and lap at her.  He crooked his finger and stroked her inner wall and she was soon getting close.

Ben gritted into her ear, “I'm going to add another finger, ok?”  And Rey nodded.  Ben gathered moisture on his index and middle finger and gently inserted them at the same time.  Rey's jaw tensed up just a bit.  His two fingers were just a little bigger than her dildo.  It didn't hurt but she felt full.  He soon resumed the same pattern as before.  Each pass causing Rey to keen and buck.

“I want to take care of you, Rey,” Ben hissed against her ear.  “You've been so good for me.  I want to make it perfect.”

“Oh god… Ben!”  Rey's eyes rolled back, her back arched and her legs trembled as she came.  Ben slowly worked his fingers out.

Now it was Rey's turn.  She reached for the button of his pants and fumbled.  Ben smirked and did it for her.  He shimmied them down a few inches as Rey reached into his boxers and pulled his erection free.  He was dark red and seeping.  She ran her thumb over the slit and brought it to her mouth.

“Salt.”

Ben was seeing stars again.   _ Do you think one day, she might want to…? _    Rey started a slow rhythm of stroking his erection.  Rey scooted up so she could kiss him.  Ben wasn't entirely sure but he thought he could detect just a hint of his own pre-cum in her lips. 

Soon, she pulled away to say, “I want to fuck you six ways from Sunday, Ben Zadok Solo.  I want to be on top.  I want to be on bottom.  Against the wall.  Plain vanilla and kinky shit.  That cabin could be a shanty made of plywood and I'd fuck you in it.  The only thing stopping me right now is that you'd probably rip me in two.  We're definitely going to have to work up to it.”

_ Oh god.  Oh god.  Ohgodohgodohgod. _   “Anything, Rey.  Anything you… waaaannnttt.”  Ben gritted his last word as he spilled over.  Rey aimed him towards his stomach.  Ben threw his head back on the pillow and reached for Rey.  Careful not to lay in the mess, Rey moved to lay her chest on his.  They both marveled in the rapid rise and fall of their ribcages against each other.

Rey looked up at Ben.  “You don't have to buy me things, you know.  I don’t need anything.”

“I know.  I guess I got carried away,” he replied.  Ben smiled and played with her hair and stroked her back.

“I just…  That’s not what this is.  I’m not trying to get money or anything.”

“Rey… I know you're not like that.  I know you can take care of yourself.  I lo- I care about you.  I _ want _ to give you things.  I don't have anyone to give things  _ to _ .”

“Ok.  Ok.”  Rey spoke more to herself than to Ben.  After a few moments, Rey asked, “So what happened yesterday?”

“Oh right, I'll show you.  Let me wash off and get my phone.”

Rey nodded.  Ben got up and headed to the bathroom.  He ditched his pants which left him in only his boxers.  Then he went through the other door to get his phone from the dining room.  He came back in and sat on his bed with his back against the headboard.  Rey sat up next to him and Ben put an arm around her.  He pulled up the article and let Rey read it.

“That was your old school, wasn't it?”

“Yes.  I got that email very late on Sunday night.  I didn't sleep at all.  Then I stayed up longer to have a security system put in.”

“You think he's after you?”

“I don't know.  I was just being prepared”

“But why do you think he might be?”

“Because I was the one who put him in prison.”

“Ben…” Rey breathed.

“What I told you the other day, it wasn’t that simple.  Snoke had an inner circle.  That's why it was so competitive.  He picked the best of the best.  God, how I wanted to be in that club.  I tried  _ everything _ .  Only Snoke could invite you in.  It was very secretive and none of the members would say anything about what went on there.  I should have realized then.  For someone with a measured IQ of 150, I was fucking stupid.”

“Ben…  Don’t say that.”

“I should have known.  Should have guessed.  I could saved more kids from him.”

Rey reached up to stroke his cheek and said, “I’m so sorry, Ben.”

“He never touched me though.  He never got the fucking chance.”  Ben’s voice and lip quivered with rage while a single tear rolled down his cheek.

Rey wiped it away and kissed his cheek.  Ben found himself leaning into her touch and pulling her tighter.  “I was an awkward kid.  My ears are  _ still _ too big for my head,” he said with a laugh.  “But the mandatory training classes had built me up.  I was 14 when Snoke finally noticed me.  It was gradual.  But I heard others talking.  Now that I was in, they talked more freely.  They talked about favors being exchanged for recommendation letters to top universities or military academies.  A recommendation from Snoke and First Order was a golden ticket to any Ivy League with full scholarship.  Some even talked about alumni coming back to meet with him for recs to med school and law school.  I took him down.”

“That’s amazing, Ben!”

“I wish it was so black and white.  I got him on video.  I… I still have nightmares from watching it.  I sent the evidence into the authorities and the board of trustees.  Snoke was immediately fired and arrested.  I thought I would be a hero.  But a lot of his victims actually resented me.  Now that Snoke was gone, their favors wouldn’t be returned.  A couple lost their scholarship and even acceptance into their first choice school.  I know a few ended up being sent to mental hospitals.  I finished out the year but I was ostracized.  I had no recs for university.  My mother had a few friends in a decent school out east and pulled some strings.”

Rey pulled him into a deep kiss.  She wanted to snuff out his illusion of worthlessness.  When she pulled away, she said, “Something I figured out long ago, Ben, is that IQ is really just one dimension of our being.  Mine was measured at 143 in the 8th grade.  But that doesn’t mean you know  _ everything _ .  It doesn’t mean you know what people will think and do out of the dark places in their hearts.  And not every problem can be solved by simply having a higher intellect.  More often than not, it makes problems worse.”

“I know.  I’m still learning that.  I just drive myself past the point of sanity thinking how I could have done it differently.  How I could have saved more kids.  How I could have handled the aftermath of what happened.”

Rey lay on his chest now.  Ben had instinctively begun to stroke her back.  He stroked with an open palm from her neck to her ass and then back up with just his fingertips.  The action was making Rey drowsy.

“For what it's worth, Ben.  When I'm with you, I feel… safe.  You always make sure I'm comfortable and that you're not going too fast.  You could easily overpower me if you wanted to but you don't even try.  You never try to test my boundaries.”  Rey stopped to yawn.  “Your classmates probably saw your actions as a power move.  Your teachers too.  But they didn't know you like I do.  You just wanted them to be safe.” 

After a long second, “Ben?”  Ben now had tears pouring down both cheeks.  “Come here.”  Rey wrapped both arms around his waist.  Ben crushed her shoulders and quietly sobbed into her neck.  He was finally, after nearly 15 years, letting go of some of the tension he held about the whole ordeal.

_ I think I love him. _

_ I think  _ _ I love her. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I need ideas to get them through the next three weeks of class! I really just want to skip to Spring Break! :P


End file.
